Breaking up is never easy. (Unless of course, you're ~making up~ right after, but even then, the actual breakup still hurts.) Regardless of your reasons for breaking up with someone, it may take some time to re-adjust to your life without your partner. That's normal. Some breakups are easier to move on from than others. It all depends on the relationship itself and your reason for bowing out. The signs you’re ready to break up may not be as black and white as you'd think they'd be (or even hope they'd be), but they are there.
Sometimes, you don't want out at all, but it's for the better, and you both know it. It could be as simple as, "I don't love you anymore," or as complex as "I'm comfortable with you, there's nothing particularly wrong with our relationship, and I enjoy your presence, but I can't keep ignoring that something feels like it's missing." (Not speaking from personal experience or anything.)
I spoke to dating expert and matchmaker Stefanie Safran about indicators that show it may be time to break up. Here's what she had to say.
The simplest sign that it's time to break up is that you're just not happy anymore. Safran explains that if everything the two of you talk about leads to an argument, it's a strong indicator that your relationship could be coming to an end.
While sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, it is crucial to be attracted to your partner on all fronts, not just intellectually or emotionally. When the two of you lose your sexual attraction to each other, the rest is bound to follow because they often go hand-in-hand.
A lack of respect can show itself in many ways. It could be in a lack of commitment or compromise, or in disregarding your partner's wants and needs. It could even be in refusing to make them a priority in your life. Safran says that a lack of respect from either party in a relationship could be an indicator of a relationship headed south. "They won't commit to things that are important to you," Safran tells Elite Daily.
"If you're finding that, again, you guys are not spending one-on-one time, and it's more group, or they go out with their friends, and there's always an excuse that they have to do this or that or work," it may be time to have a tough conversation, Safran says. "It's becoming that you spend more time apart than you do together." Safran has a good point. If you all live in the same city, and you or your partner spend all your time with your friends, but minimal time together, that can't be a good sign.
However, I'd like to point out that finding a good balance between the two is crucial to successfully splitting your time. Make sure both bae and BFF are getting the loving they need from you, and that you're taking care of yourself, too!
The desire for a relationship has to come from two parties who want to be with each other, and who treat each other as equals, taking one another into consideration in all important (and seemingly unimportant) decisions. "If they're not consulting you with decisions, they go and take a weekend away, and they don't even tell you, you're an afterthought," Safran says. "If they're not treating you like a partner, treating you as though you can take it or leave it — this is who they are." And that's not going to change.
Safran advises that people look at relationships in three, six, and 12-month situations, — even 18 months if you're under the age of 30. Meaning, at each of these intervals, you should be seeing some kind of confirmation that there is a future, albeit a short one in some cases.
"If after three months, you guys are not more committed, you have to decide if this is going to be a waste of your time," she says. "After six months, if you haven't met their friends and family, and they don't want anything to do with you on social media ... not a good sign."
With these signs in mind, think about your relationship. Think about your partner. If you feel like your partner may be exhibiting any or all of these signs, maybe step back and see if might be, also — subconsciously or even consciously. It's very possible your mind could be hinting at the fact that you don't want to be in your relationship anymore. The mind has a powerful way of telling you what you really want. Listen to it, and if you're sure you want out of your relationship, take the steps necessary and bow out, gracefully.
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