Have you ever been caught cheating? Your blood pressure drops, your heart pounds, and you start to sweat. Your mind, in fight-or-flight mode, goes into overdrive as you try and come up with the best possible story you can tell as quickly and convincingly as possible. Or, ahem, so I've heard. Anyway, some of those stories are diabolically clever enough that you don't end up getting caught slipping, but most are pretty weak and so, they fail. So, when people reveal how they tried to hide their infidelity on Reddit, you know it's going to be juicy — and shady AF.
There are whole subreddits dedicated to how to cheat and get away with it, but as proud as folks are of their cheating skills, they are less likely to brag about the things they did to try and get out of trouble when all those tactics failed. That's usually when it's time to employ some drastic measures. Since the tactic of, you know, not cheating in the first place is clearly not an option, here's what some folks on Reddit said they did when they almost (or actually did) get caught cheating, and how they plan to avoid getting busted in the future.
I hid under the covers with one girl while another pounded on my window. Made up a story about a psycho ex.
Ghosted the girl I cheated on because I didn't want her to find out and break up with me. Basically "you can't fire me, I quit!"
I told him everything I did to AP. Every tiny sordid detail. I also told him everything AP did to me. He burst out laughing & said "You wish!". That was the end of the discussion. I tell him every time I go out to see AP & he just laughs & tells me to say hi to (insert bff name here).
My friend cancelled his Verizon account so that his girlfriend couldn't go online and see his text/call history. I know this because I had a line on his account.
My buddy doesn't have any social media, so his gf is always in the dark about where he is and who he's hanging out with. Don't tell anyone but your closest friends, preferably one who doesn't post on reddit like me.
Do so under a fake identity, with someone in a different area of your city that no one you know knows that you'll never bump in to. Most guys make the mistake of doing this with someone they know, that'll never end well.
Open up a separate account for all your expenses, say it's for some freelance/small business stuff or something if she asks what's up.
And plan things ahead, say work has a need for you to travel a lot in the next few months. I'll be downvoted because I'm an absolute dirtbag like you but I totally understand the realization that sex is something you want and you don't think love is a requirement to sleep with someone...so you still love your wife and the life you have but missed out on life and just need to have some fun.
Using Tinder is a bad idea because it's location based, someone near you might see. Most people there are just fishing for compliments and wasting time anyway. So use the shady sites like Craigslist and Fetlife. I know this sounds crazy, but face pics upfront will increase your chances of actually getting a hookup. Never forget you're competing with hundreds of other guys in a ratio of about 100 guys per girl.
Get a Google Voice phone number or a separate phone, never use your family cell phone. If you ever connected to Facebook messenger, people can find you by your number on Facebook.
Never give your hookups your real name, no matter how close or friendly you get. Self preservation is very important, come up with a completely different story about who you are. Don't give any clues that could help find who you are, not even your career, not even your interests.
Use screennames you've never ever used before. Believe it or not, someone might find you if all they know is your first name is Adam and you like to play in a softball league in a certain area of town. No details, make up different ones. Be a completely different persona. I've figured out who a lot of married girls are because they made these mistakes.
So, so, so shady.
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