5 Things To Remember Before Rejecting A Bad First Date, So Don’t Be Too Hasty
It's easy to think that a less-than-great first impression will result in a less-than-great relationship, but guess what? That, my friends, isn't always the case. First impressions aren't everything, especially when people are nervous. You know what gets people nervous? First dates. So before rejecting a bad first date because the conversation was stale and the chemistry wasn't all there, you might want to think twice. Completely shutting the door on someone before really getting to know them might stop you from meeting the person who might totally rock your world.
It may be tempting to go into a first, second, or even third date with an agenda and try to figure out everything you can about this person in one go. But dating coach Evan Marc Katz previously told Elite Daily that's the last thing you should do. "If you go into the date with an agenda — I'm going to figure out what this guy's deal is, I'm going to figure out what's wrong with him, I'm not going to get hurt, I'm not going to waste my time like I did with the last guy — then they're not going to have any fun, and they're not going to want to see you again," he said.
So many factors can contribute to a mediocre first date. Perhaps neither of you really liked the spot you hit up, or one of you had a bad day and the stress was affecting your demeanor. Whatever the case, consider these five things before sending them a "I had fun, but..." text.
1. The Second Date Could Be Better
If you or your date had a bad day when you first went out, that energy may have carried over into your time together and resulted in a not-so-great time. Before saying no to a second date, think about why you agreed to go out in the first place. Maybe you said yes because the two of you had so much in common, and you were excited to meet someone else who can spend all day marathon-watching Supernatural. Just because you had one bad date, doesn't mean the next one won't be better.
"No one has a perfect first date every single time," Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, previously told Elite Daily. "Sometimes, you just don’t show up at your best, and it's totally OK if you’d like a second chance, especially if you feel like something truly could be there between you two."
2. Try Not To Be Too Hard On Yourself
You've probably heard the phrase "you are your own biggest critic" before, and for some folks, it's true. "You sometimes become too hard on yourself," cyber dating expert Julie Spira previously told Elite Daily. Instead of mulling over a bad date and refusing to try again, Spira suggests reaching out.
"I believe in lifting the pressure off and sending a post-date text to lighten the load," she said. "The best way to do this is to think about something positive that was said on the date, or the one thing you both might have in common."
3. Follow Up
Consider texting your date and using this new conversation as a chance to mentally restart. "There's nothing to lose by reaching out," Spira said. "Instead of obsessing about what went wrong, think about the reasons you decided to go on the date. Everyone deserves a second chance." If your date doesn't respond to your text or call, at least you tried, and that can be much more comforting than wondering, "What if?"
4. Just Because You Didn't Have Instant Chemistry Doesn't Mean You Won't Down The Line
Rom coms have certainly done a number on me, to the point where I've come to expect fireworks from every first glance or finger touch. But, there's a reason movies are just movies. "There's just too much pressure on a first date to have instant chemistry [and] think they could be 'the one,'" Spira explained. "If your first date was less than perfect, or mediocre, but you realize you have a variety of interests in common, I believe it's worth scheduling a second date where you can dig deeper to get to know someone."
5. Whatever You Do, Try Not To Ghost
If you decide to go on a second date and it's just as meh as the first, it might be time to go your separate ways. "If the conversation starts out awkward on date one, and continues to be unnatural by date two or three, it's time to let the person know you don't think you're a match," Spira advised. As tempting as it may be to ghost them because you know you're not into them, try not to. "It's time to take the high road and buck the trend, instead of leaving someone hanging with the hope they'll realize you're the prize," she said. "Be gracious and thank them for their time."
If your first date could've been better, don't give up right away. Consider reaching back out and giving this person another shot. You never know where date two might lead.