Going on a date with someone new for the first time can conjure up some serious feels. It's totally normal to be both excited and anxious leading up to a first date, but these jitters can make it tricky to be your best self. Fortunately, I brought in the big guns and spoke to a few professionals to find out what matchmakers tell their clients about first dates — because I'm sure we all want to know. Let's not pretend we haven't heard the whispers. You know, the whispers about the friend of a friend's rabbi's cousin who had a first date and knew from the moment they woke up the next morning that their date was "the one."
Sadly, for the most part, things don't work out like they do in fairytales. Dating isn't always effortless, and sometimes it can actually be super draining and stressful. When meeting someone new for the first time, there can be so much pressure for things to go perfectly. Planning the perfect outfit, meeting at the perfect restaurant, sporting the perfect, "I care, but not too much" attitude. However, according to these matchmakers, here are the important things you should actually consider.
Attraction is not something that is as "instant" as the movies want you to believe. If you look at many long-term couples, many will state it took time to warm up and know that this person was right for them. Instead of going into a first date with the thought of "Is he the one?" or "Is he the guy I see myself attracted to?" Go in with the attitude of "Is this a guy I can see spending another hour of time with?" Go into a first date with plans of spending one to two hours with someone, not three to four hours to analyze the situation.
— Stefanie Safran, matchmaker and founder of Stef And The City.
Don't grill your date about their life and job. It's not a job interview. Do not put everything out there. First dates are for flirting and establishing a connection based on this light hearted connection which should leave you wanting to know and learn more about your date. So many people feel like they are on a job interview. Others lead or ask about the professional qualifications like it matters. Some talk about all their problems and health issues. Better yet, some clients have talked about people that have shown up with a literal list and ask the questions off it. Ugh! No, this is just plain terrible.
— Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking
First dates are meant to be fun and relaxed, but we often make them stressful and fill them with grandiose expectations. Take the pressure off of yourself and the other person — you don't have to "figure out" if they are your person on the first date. Most of the time it takes several dates before we know if this person is long-lasting relationship material. Many of my clients have wanted to cancel the second or third date with the man who eventually became their husband/long-term partner! Thankfully they followed my guidance and stayed the course and one of these clients just had her first child with her now husband. Surrender your expectations and focus on enjoying yourself and truly getting to know the person in front of you.
— Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker
If you have a first date around the corner, don't stress! Just focus on having fun and figuring out if you'd be down to spend another hour of your life with them. If the answer is yes, then go for it! Maybe plan a second date! But, if things don't go as you hoped, don't freak out. There are plenty more potential baes out there. And remember: You got this.
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