Asking someone out can be straight-up empowering. When you finally drop a, "Want to get dinner sometime?" it's like a Lizzo song starts playing in the background and everything you say for the rest of the day is a *mic drop* moment (even just ordering takeout to eat alone in your bed). So when you feel the romantic tension building over the phone with your crush, knowing how to spot the texting clues that someone wants to ask you out can help you beat them to it.
"At a certain point, you have to take the necessary steps to get what you want," relationship coach and texting expert Claudia Cox tells Elite Daily. "Otherwise, you are just going to end up as pen pals."
If the prospect of asking somebody out totally freaks you out, I get it. Although putting yourself out there can be scary, making the first move can remind you how much of a boss you are. It can even show your crush how much you like them.
Although you or your crush may eventually send a, "Do you want to go out?" text, Cox shares some subliminal messages that may mean someone wants to ask you out.
1. They Blow Up Your Phone, Like, Every Day
Jokes about young people always being on their phones aside, if you notice your crush is constantly texting you, they're probably into you. "I think that one of the biggest signals is consistency," Cox says. "If they are consistent, then they are probably gearing up to ask you out."
According to Cox, if your crush texts you regularly, they'd probably enjoy talking to you over coffee, too.
2. They're! Not! Shy! With! The! Exclamation! Points!!!!!!
Although you may be trying to "play it cool" (a phrase that's simply not in my vocabulary), if you notice that your crush isn't afraid to show you how excited they are about something, they're probably into you. "Are they enthusiastic? Enthusiasm is a great way to gauge your crush’s level of interest and breed chemistry," Cox says. Although trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind every punctuation mark can make you exhausted, if you get the sense your crush is excited to talk to you, they probably are. Who! Wouldn't! Be!
3. They're Invested In Your Conversation
According to Cox, if your crush remembers your conversations and is trying to engage with you, they're probably interested in you. "Are they invested in the conversation and trying to be engaging? If yes, they are putting some thought into their texts and remembering specific things you shared with them," Cox says.
I can't tell you how many times I've been out with someone who has asked me about something that so glaringly did not apply to my life. It usually becomes clear that they are referencing something from a different date. (Sorry Kevin, I have never been axe throwing, ergo, I certainly have never told you a "cute" story about going with my mom.) If your potential boo remembers the things you told them and brings up past conversations you've had, they may be trying to get to know you better.
4. They're Checking When You're Free
While your crush is probably interested in hearing about your hobbies, if you notice they're trying to figure out when you're free or what you like to do with people, they may be thinking about how and when to ask you out.
"Are they asking questions to gauge your availability? If so, they want to see if you would make time for them if they were to ask you out," Cox says.
Cox shares that though being busy and filling your days with fun activities is a good (and important!) thing, if you're trying to go on a date, you may want to express that you would be happy to make time for them or let them know when you are free to hang. Though your crush is probably super into you being a busy-bee, you don't want to make them feel like you don't have time for them or are blowing them off.
5. They've Started Texting Like You Do
If you and your crush were flirting IRL, you might not even notice how much you start to mirror each other. Cox shares that imitating someone consciously or subconsciously can be a sign of flirting. Though you can't see someone's body language when you're texting, Cox shares that mirroring happens in your inbox, too.
"If your crush starts mirroring you, they might want to ask you out," Cox says. "They text back at the same speed; they send texts of similar lengths; they use the same language."
As a chronic double-texter, I can tell you that receiving a million texts back is nothing short of an erotic experience. If you notice your crush using your favorite emoji or stealing some of your slang, it may mean they're trying to hang out IRL.
Whether you suggest taking a walk around the park (or a walk to the nearest Tiki bar), asking your crush out can be flirty and fun. Although you never need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, taking the initiative with a crush can be totally empowering. If you've been texting your crush for a while and you're getting the sense they're going to ask you out, beating them to it can bring you closer together.