While movies and TV shows sometimes depict serendipitous life events (read: serendipitous orgasms), getting what you want can mean putting in some major effort, in the streets and between the sheets. No matter what you're into, knowing some of the sex behaviors that mean they care about your pleasure can help you really get what you want.
"Behaviors that show someone cares about their partner's pleasure are actions that focus on their partner, rather than themselves," Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, tells Elite Daily. "Seeing your partner enjoying themselves and receiving pleasure can be just as hot as feeling pleasure yourself."
Remember: As long as you and your sexual partner(s) actively discuss consent, intent, and boundaries, all sex can be "good sex." However, putting the focus on yourself for a minute (read: two hours) can be totally hot. Whether you like to be tied up and suspended over the bed or you enjoy being gently spooned while you talk about feelings, having someone really put the effort into making you feel good can make all the difference.
Here are five behaviors that mean your boo cares about your pleasure.
There's not pressure to finish.
"As we know, the pressure to orgasm can have you achieve anything but," Lola Jean, sex educator and mental health professional tells Elite Daily. "If they please you for the sole purpose of pleasing you, there isn’t a pressure to orgasm or finish." Though climaxing can feel like the cherry on top of a sexy sundae, you certainly don't have to finish to have pleasurable sex. If your partner is more into the journey than the destination, they may be really invested in your pleasure. "Sexual pleasure does not always mean orgasm. Pleasure is a great thing in an of itself," Engle says. "Instead of focusing on orgasm, focus on the journey of pleasure."
They ask what you're into.
Maybe your partner always gets you the best birthday present or knows exactly what you want for dinner. However, they can't literally read your mind. Asking what you're into, what you want to try, or what your fantasies are, may mean they care about giving you what you want in the bedroom.
"If your person questions you as to what you enjoy or how you want to feel, these are good signs that they’re not out to make the sexual experience all about them," Jean says. "That being said, it's totally OK to have no clue what you want in a given moment, which is why it's important to voice that, so you both know it will be a learning exploration."
It's perfectly natural to feel a little sheepish about expressing your needs as you're doing the deed. However, if you want to try something new, or you know it feels really good when your partner does a certain thing, Jean shares the importance of communicating throughout the process of having sex.
There's not pressure to reciprocate anything.
If your boo really cares about your pleasure, they may focus on your sexual experience without "expecting" anything in return or pressuring you to "return the favor."
"Pleasure doesn’t have to be ‘eye for an eye," Jean says. "Never has a phrase rung more heavenly than when a partner rises from my legs to say, 'I could do this forever,' or 'You don’t have to reciprocate if you don’t want to.”
While taking turns going down on each other or switching off who's on top can be part of the fun, your boo giving all the time and attention to you can be a super sexy sign that they prioritize your pleasure.
They embrace change.
When it comes to sex, it's totally natural to want different things at different times. As Jean shares, if your boo can go with the flow, it's a sign they care about your pleasure.
"There seems to be a large pressure for individuals to know exactly what they want or how to do it, whereas we should be looking to learn more about our bodies every day, month, year," Jean says. "Our bodies change, and the bodies we interact with change. That means you have a whole new body or body combination to explore at any moment."
Engle adds that your partner coming to the bedroom with an open mind can help them prioritize your pleasure as well. "Come to sex with enthusiasm and curiosity," Engle says. "Ask your partner what they like, how they like to be touched, and what you can do to make their pleasure a priority."
They're doing it for you, not for their own ego.
TBH, getting someone off can be totally hot. Still, Jean shares there can be a difference between making someone feel good in order to feel better about yourself and making someone feel good, just so they feel great.
"The key differentiator here is that if they care about your pleasure is, do they enjoy you getting off for their own ego or how it makes you feel?" Jean says. "While it’s fine to pat ourselves on the back every so often when someones main driver for making you feel good is for their own ego, that may be a red flag that the experience may be more about them than you."
According to Jean, taking a second to investigate why you and your partner like what you like can get everyone on the same sexy page.
From asking what you want to being open-minded about change, there are tons of behaviors that mean someone is focused on you. Though taking turns getting each other off can be fun, sometimes it's OK to steal the sexy spotlight. And if your boo is all about getting you off, the pleasure may be all theirs.