5 Funny Stories About Trying To Have Sex While Home For Thanksgiving That Will A-Maize You
Between feasting and catching up with the fam, no one said getting frisky over Thanksgiving would be an easy feat. But that doesn’t mean we don’t try. Quite the contrary, in fact. There’s something about this holiday (perhaps the inherent theme of indulgence?) that seems to inspire your bolder side — unfortunately, that audacity often results in some seriously awkward scenarios. As such, there is no shortage of funny stories about trying to have sex while home for Thanksgiving.
Perhaps, while giving your partner a tour of your home, you stop in your childhood bedroom. Sure, there are still mid-2000s boy band posters on the wall and probably some embarrassing framed photos of you from junior high on the bedside table, but whatever — you know bae won’t judge. Or, you're single AF and hit up your hometown crush for some nostalgic nookie. Either way, at some point, the thrill of sneaking around and getting frisky while your fam is downstairs is just too good to pass up. But what happens when Uncle Gary catches you in the act, or your brother-in-law overhears some of your infamous primal noises?
Bottom line: There is oh so much that can go wrong when you have sex while you’re home for Thanksgiving, but that certainly hasn’t stopped anyone from trying. Luckily, they have lived to tell the tale. Just how cringe-inducing can it get? I’ll let you be the judge, but these holiday hookup confessions have got me on the floor.
My grandma knocked, asking if we could keep it down, since she could hear everything. It was awkward at breakfast the next morning.
The Intrusive Nephew
My BF has this adorable nephew, Caleb. Without our knowledge, his sister and brother-in-law had arrived with their kids for Thanksgiving dinner. We were upstairs trying to squeeze in a quickie before all the holiday madness began. Well, Caleb was so eager to see his favorite uncle that he sprinted up the stairs and flung open the door. Luckily, we were under a blanket so he didn’t see anything. Still, he definitely knew we were up to no good when we glared at him with faces that were red with humiliation and panic in our eyes because he bolted back down the stairs without so much as a “Happy Thanksgiving.” To this day, we joke that his mom had to have “the talk” with him a little earlier than she planned because of us.
— Kelsey, 29
Rounding The Bases
We took to sneaking out of the house and making out in my car. That worked until her parents came out to call us in for dinner and found me rounding second. I'd suggest just holding it in until after the holidays. Too many people under one roof to effectively be sneaky.
The Black Friday Fun Fail
No stories that start with “I invited my ex over” end well. But here it goes. My family was supposed to be shopping all day long on Black Friday. Apparently, my sister forgot some gift cards at home, because she came barging in the house 20 minutes after they left and I thought we were in the clear. There we were: half-naked on my couch, looking like deer in the headlights. I’ll never forget how she only briefly glanced in our direction and casually said, “Good to see you again, Chris,” and then calmly walked up the stairs to her room without missing a beat. She never, ever brought it up, thankfully. It’s our little secret.
— Lily, 27
The Midnight Snack
My GF and I had only been dating for a couple months, and we weren’t quite ready to do the whole meeting-the-parents thing, especially on a major holiday when there are a ton of family members involved. She only lived a couple towns over, like a 30-minute drive, so the night before Thanksgiving, I invited her over. We have a big house, and I have the basement to myself, so when she came by, we went downstairs and got busy. Both of us were feeling pretty smug that we had pulled it off when we put our clothes back on and I walked her upstairs to exit the house through the front. Unfortunately, my dad had woken up and come downstairs for a snack. Sooo the joke was on us, and I ended up having to introduce her to a parent anyway — except she was looking post-sex disheveled and he was in his bathrobe. Not ideal. The next day, I decided to have her back over to meet him again under more normal circumstances. But it was definitely awkward explaining to them why dad had already been introduced at two a.m. the night before.
— Eric, 30
So, is it worth the risk to try and get some around Turkey Day? That’s for you to decide, TBH. But after reading these hilarious-yet-horrifying cautionary tales, I won’t blame you for thinking twice. Remember: If things go south, at least you’ll get a funny story out of it. The holidays are meant for making memories, and what could be more memorable than a hookup gone wrong?