4 Things To Know About Your Partner Before Talking About Your Future Together
In most long-term relationships, there may come a time where you and bae feel ready to talk about your future together. You're in love! If you could, you'd spend every waking moment together. You've never felt more ready to settle down with someone. This is all wonderful. But before you take that blissful step toward spending forever with each other, there are a few things to know about your partner before talking about your future. You may feel like you already know everything there is to know about your partner, and that may be true. But I spoke to two experts, and they recommend making sure you know these four things before diving head-first into the deep end that is your future.
As tempting as it may be to start talking about your future with bae before discussing any of these things, it may end up hurting you both if down the road, you discover that you want or value different things. "You shouldn’t get engaged unless your core values align, since compromising on what’s most important to you always leads to resentment," Samantha Burns, relationship coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, told Elite Daily. She's right: There's only so much someone can compromise on before they may begin to feel like they're giving up too much.
It's important to know not only that you and bae feel ready to spend forever together, but also, that you see eye-to-eye on the things that you may encounter as you move into your future together. Make sure you know these four things before talking about settling down.
1. Do you want the same things down the line?
"Both partners need to assess their wants and needs in terms of lifestyle," Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert and love coach, tells Elite Daily. "Do they want marriage? Do they watch children? And if so, what is the timeline? If you have children, would one partner stay home? Making sure that you both see the future in the same way is a necessity for ongoing happiness in a long-term partnership."
Honesty is crucial in all aspects of a relationship, but especially so when it comes to discussing what you and bae want in the future. If one or both of you lies about what you want so that it aligns with what bae wants, it can cause trouble when the future inevitably comes. "Not having the same views in certain areas (like children), can lead to major turmoil in the future," life coach Pricilla Martinez tells Elite Daily. "You need to be open and honest about the things that will impact your day-to-day."
2. Do you see eye-to-eye on finances?
A long-term future with a partner can involve things like moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having children, joining your finances, and more. Along with seeing eye-to-eye on children and marriage, being on the same page about your finances is incredibly important as well. "How do you see your financial contributions to the relationship? Is each partner [willing] to contribute equally?" Winter asks. "Figuring out ‘who does what’ is an important discussion that defines whether you’re both on the same page with your vision of the future."
If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, are the two of you ready to make compromises to ensure you spend and save? "Economic security is a known source of fighting between partners," she explains. "Coming to an agreement in the beginning of your relationship eliminates anger and frustration later on."
3. You understand each other's love languages.
Understanding each other's love languages is also something you and bae should be able to do before planning a future together. Love languages may seem like a mild suggestion, but if someone doesn't feel like they are receiving love, it can cause trouble in your relationship down the line. "You also need to be clear on how someone likes to give and receive love," Martinez says. "If your partner isn’t naturally affectionate, but it’s something you need to feel loved, you have to make sure they’re willing to compromise."
4. You both accept that you're going to grow and evolve throughout your relationship.
In any relationship, you and your partner are probably going to grow as individual people. As humans, we're constantly evolving. In some relationships, you grow together, whereas in others, sometimes you grow apart. "Growing and evolving in any relationship is about communication," Martinez says. "A lot of relationships end because the communication just isn’t in place to resolve issues. Hurt feelings and resentment get compounded over time and soon it’s hard to remember why you were together in the first place." If you and bae understand that the two of you will grow, and talk about it as you do, then you're probably in a good place to move forward together.
By discussing these four things beforehand, you can save yourself a lot of stress down the line, and it can result in an even brighter future for you and your relationship. Who doesn't want that?