How do you know for sure if someone is "the one"? Part of it is something you feel in your gut and in your heart. But still, before entering a life-long commitment, you should probably do your due diligence. If you can really picture a future with someone, you should be sure that you're actually on the same page about what exactly that future looks like. If you feel like your SO is wondering the same thing about you, there are some questions your partner will ask you before committing that will not only set their mind at ease, but actually offer a window for you to know where their mind is at. This way, you can start asking some of the same questions, too.
But what exactly will they be asking? According to Damona Hoffman, host of the Dates & Mates Podcast, when someone is figuring out if you're really the one for them, "they will ask questions that have to do with blending your lives in a meaningful way around issues like family, finances, and future plans." In other words, the big questions. Here's what you're going to want to be on the lookout for.
This first question may seem innocuous enough, but the subtext of what your partner is asking is actually very serious. “If someone wants to be with you for the long-term, they usually will want to be approved of by your family and will want to explore blending their family with yours," Hoffman tells Elite Daily. Essentially, what they're really asking is what it will be like when your family people becomes their family. Will they feel welcomed? Will your family make their life harder? Or, will it be an easy and welcome transition? Heavy stuff, but hey, choosing to fully commit to someone shouldn't be taken lightly.
Talk about a loaded question. It may come off as casual and off the cuff, but if someone is considering whether or not they want to share their life with you, your ideal family situations not lining up can be a deal-breaker. Which is why Hoffman actually recommends having this conversation early on in the relationship, because “many times people wait until it starts looking serious to see if you have the same perspective on building a family.” And few things are more make-or-break in a relationship than how you feel about having kids.
Talking about money with your SO can feel really awkward, but when things start to get serious, it's time to get over it and be honest. After all, at some point, their financial situation becomes your financial situation. That's why, when they start inquiring about your outstanding debt, it’s a clear sign they're really getting serious about you. As Susan Winter, NYC relationship expert, explains, it's common to “want to project the best side of ourselves to our mate." She adds that "an image of a financially solvent person can be maintained well through the honeymoon period of dating.”
However, when you start getting serious with someone, it's time to be honest about your finances, debts and all. These things are going to have an impact on your future, like if you want to start a family or buy a house. So, don't be surprised if your partner wants to know what’s really up with your coins.
That’s a scary one. I know what you’re thinking: “It’s a trap!” But now is your chance to keep it real. Because, if you don't, they're probably are going to find out eventually, anyway. This last bit of vetting means your partner is on the verge of really committing, but they want to know if they're going to be blindsided down the road. While it can be really unnerving to be asked such an open-ended question, Winter says to take this opportunity to be “forthcoming and honest.” Because, as she explains, “If you can't trust your mate to tell you the truth in the beginning, or they misrepresent themselves, your partnership will end up dissolving anyway.”
Do you feel like that escalated quickly? Don't be surprised if that happens IRL. Their questions may start out super casual, but as they get answers that make them feel more comfortable, they'll feel safer (and ask harder — but still important — questions) if they find that you're willing to be open. It will also make them feel closer to you.
So, even though some of these questions can be scary, the reason they are asking, and the end result, will be totally worth it. And don't be afraid to ask some tough questions of your own! You should both be sure that you're right for each other, and that your values align. Don't hold back. You've got this.
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