I'm not gonna sugar coat it — being a side piece is a uniquely hellish predicament. The only thing that can really make this situation any worse is when you let the weeks slip by, all the while choosing to conveniently ignore the signs you're the side piece, only to have the whole thing become painfully obvious when your so-called boo-thang is "not feeling well" on Valentines Day. During which time, while you think they are sick in bed, their real boo is blowing up Instagram with closeup pics of her perfectly grilled fillet mignon paired with a vintage merlot.
If you frequently get the feeling that the person you're seeing isn't being fully honest about their relationship status or how they spend their free time, it's time to start examining the writing on the wall. Of course, it can be tempting to ignore the shady behavior of someone you've grown to care for — and possibly even love — but sooner or later, it's time to face the music. Whether you choose to continue to date someone who likes to keep a sample platter of people on the back burner waiting with baited breath, or go rogue and John Tucker 'em, is totally up to you.
Elite Daily spoke with matchmaker Meredith Golden to get a better idea of some signs that you're just another cog in someone's well-oiled machine of lovers.
1. There Are No Sleep Overs
You're about to float off into the warm depths of post-orgasmic bliss, you've slipped into their shirt to grab some water, and you've secured the perfect sleeping posish, nuzzled right into their shoulder crook, when out of nowhere they drop the Oh look at the time! I just now realized I gotta... (fill in the blank with some lame excuse).
"Not spending the night is also another sign [you just a side piece]. It's hard to sleep over because he's probably going straight from side-girl date to main-girl apartment to spend the night," Golden says.
There's nothing quite like the sting of being a booty-call drive-by when all your heart truly wants is to be the main squeeze.
2. Date Night Is On A Monday
I once dated a guy who would text me like clockwork to set up dates for the exact same time every Wednesday. Anytime I would ask about his plans for the weekend, he would immediately start acting suss — long story short, I soon found out that he had not one, but two "serious girlfriends." But then again, he also had "It's Complicated" as his relationship status on FB — so I blame myself.
As Golden points out, an obvious sign that you aren't the main attraction is if there's "always an after-work weeknight date, and never a Friday night or Saturday night date. He reserves these prime times for his main girl."
3. They Don't Make Themselves Too Available
Once you're a few dates deep with a new love interest, assuming things are going well, you should become more and more comfortable sharing parts of your day-to-day lives with each other. This also includes settling into a less structured rhythm of contacting and seeing each other — aside from date nights. If they are MIA all week and then hit you up the morning of trying to "plan" something, then this is definitely a sign that they could be seeing other people.
"Another sign is [he] only sees you once a week," says Golden. "He has his fun with side girl, but [he] gives main girl [the] bulk of his time."
4. They Keep You Far Away From Their Phone
Perhaps he turns his phone off when you're together under the ruse of not wanting any distraction. "Maybe he turns his phone down, so you can't see the texts coming in," says Golden. Either way, questionable phone behavior is often a dead give away that something is off.
"Stepping away from table/bar/activity to have a conversation privately" is another indicator that you aren't getting the full story, says Golden.
Coming to the realization that you are holding second place in heart of someone you care about is a pretty terrible feeling. But the good news is now that you know the score, you can set fire to a trash can containing any and all of their stuff that's still at your place. Send them a satisfying breakup text and keep on stepping because anyone that's being as calculated and overtly dishonest and essentially cheating isn't worth another ounce of your time.
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