Making love last when you and your partner are separated by distance can be one of the hardest relationship storms to weather. After all, the whole point of being in a relationship is having a partner who's there to make the good times even better, and the hard times less difficult. This can prove to be a real struggle when you aren't able to see each other regularly. Sadly, no matter how much effort you put into it, you may still start to notice the signs your long-distance relationship isn't working. Even though this can be a crushing revelation, it's so important not to ignore the red flags that could mean something's not right.
Unfortunately, long-distance simply isn't for everyone. I spoke with relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter and dating and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa to find out how you can tell your LDR just isn't working as well as it could be. According to Figueroa, it's definitely not impossible to make a LDR work, it just takes more effort to maintain the bond.
"You can’t always physically be in the same place as your partner, but you can put yourself in a position where you are 'close,'" Figueroa tells Elite Daily. "That usually means remaining in close contact, whether through daily check-ins or calls, video phone calls, and generally doing anything you can to make your partner feel your presence in their life, even when you can’t physically be there."
If you or your bae are having doubts about whether or not your partnership can last, here are some signs it might be time to re-think things.
"Being in a long-distance relationship is hard enough on its own, [but] when you aren’t communicating, it’s a sign the relationship just isn’t working," says Figueroa. "You don’t need to communicate every single day, but if you find yourself communicating very little, or not at all, you’ve got a real problem."
After doing long-distance for two years, I can't stress enough how vital it is that both partners are satisfied with the amount of contact happening in a LDR. If not, things can start to fall apart very fast. Winter agrees that if you notice you're communicating "less and less," this is a pattern that isn't sustainable.
If you start to notice you and your partner are planning less and less visits to see each other IRL, both Winter and Figueroa note that this is a sign things are headed in the wrong direction.
"Whenever you decided to try long-distance dating, you likely figured out when it was possible to be together in person," explains Figueroa. "If your partner avoids putting in the effort to see you, especially when you know that they can, that’s a big red flag."
It's important to acknowledge that depending on how far away you are from each other, traveling can get so expensive. However, if being together is a priority, then it's possible to make it happen — even if that means committing to a strict budget.
"Your partner doesn’t have to be your top priority at all times, but your partner should be a priority some of the time," says Figueroa. "If your partner never prioritizes your time together, that’s a huge problem."
Making someone a priority can be as simple as scheduling a Skype date and sticking to it even if something else comes up. "Both partners need to put in time and effort to overcome the obvious issue of physical separation," Winter tells Elite Daily. "It takes diligence to keep a long distance relationship alive."
If things aren't working as well as they could be, this doesn't always mean the relationship is doomed. Figueroa emphasizes the importance of being open and honest about any concerns while you still have the opportunity to fix them. Unfortunately, if either of you has voiced your concerns or dissatisfaction with certain aspects of your relationship and little effort has been made to improve upon them, then this might mean it's time to call it quits. At the end of the day, you both deserve to be fulfilled and satisfied by your relationship, and if that's not the case, just remember there are so many other amazing people out there who can meet your needs.
