I think we all know at least one person whom we can consider the most outgoing. They're the ones at parties who spend a good portion of the night cracking jokes and telling captivating stories that leave everyone around them on the edge of their seat. And while extroverts certainly don't deserve to be categorized as self-absorbed soap-box hoggers (because most of them are not at all), you might come across someone like this at some point. Especially if you're someone who is more reserved, it's never a bad idea to keep an eye out for red flags when dating an extrovert.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk, but at a certain point, I realized it's also important to listen, and pass the talking stick to those who might not find it as easy to interject their opinions. Once I started doing this, it became easy to see when other really extroverted peeps around me would take the reigns and spend a lot of time steering things to whatever topic they so chose, until they had gotten their fill and left. While extroverts are known to be rather magnetic and utterly entertaining, being in a relationship with an extrovert who lacks self-awareness can also be exhausting.
Have a funny story to tell? Most extroverts will let you get to the end without an interruption. Their less considerate brethren, however, may very well end up hijacking the conversation to tell a similar and "even funnier" version of the story you were in the process of telling — needless to say, not cool. Elite Daily spoke with bestselling author and relationship coach Susan Winter to get some insight into extrovert behavior that may turn out to be problematic.
1. They Are Incapable Of Letting Go Of The Spotlight
"Some extroverts don't know when to step off stage," warns Winter. And while dominating social settings might be a bit irritating after a while, it is a forgivable offense. What's more important is how your partner behaves in private.
"Must you play the part of a devoted audience member, or can true interaction occur?" asks Winter. "Your partner needs to demonstrate they have the ability to walk off stage and focus their attention on you and your needs."
A somewhat balanced give-and-take is necessary if a relationship is going to last. If they are incapable of letting you shine, then this is definitely a bad sign.
2. Their Need For Attention Drowns You Out
There's nothing wrong with enjoying attention (Most of us do!). But it is pretty unacceptable if the entire relationship revolves around them — leaving your desires to take the back seat.
Winter asks, "Does your extroverted partner have the ability (and interest) to listen to your point of view? Will your opinions count? Can they hear (and act upon) your feelings?" These are all questions you should ask yourself.
3. Their Displays Of Affection Aren't Consistent
Something else to look out for that might be a bit tricky to pick up on? Whether or not their affection seems in anyway tied to you consistently stroking their ego.
"Extroverts can be exceedingly charming and charismatic. They like to be liked," says Winter. Ultimately, this coincides with their drive to get people to pay attention to them.
"But how deep is their affection? Are you just another fan? Are you there to pump up their ego, or is their interest specifically focused toward you as a valuable mate?" asks Winter.
Figuring out the answers to these questions should make it easier to tell if the person you're dating cares for you deeply, or if your relationship (in their eyes) is more about making sure they have someone to laugh at their jokes on-cue.
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