3 Rebound Dating Behaviors That Might Mean Someone’s Not Serious About You
Rebounds can be complicated. On one hand, when you are the one who's just called it quits on a relationship, having a rebound can feel like an excellent idea. Apart from self-care, therapy, and reconnecting with friends, indulging in some casual dating fun can seem like a fabulous first step to getting over your ex. On the other hand, being someone else's rebound can make you feel less than jazzed about the dating process. If you're seeing someone, and you start to pick up on certain rebound dating behaviors, you may wonder: Why is this person really entertaining me? Do they actually like me, or am I just a distraction (or placeholder) for their ex?
When it comes to dating someone new who's just ended a relationship, life coach Pricilla Martinez previously told Elite Daily, "It's important to get information on how long it's been since their last relationship." If it's been anything less than a year, they're probably still processing how they feel about their ex. If, while asking some "getting to know you" questions, they admit they're fresh off a breakup, there's a chance they could be looking for a rebound.
"While this is important to get a sense of how much time they've had to recover, there is no real prescribed amount of time for how long it takes to get over a broken heart," Martinez said. With the length of time since their last breakup in mind, here are some more rebound dating behaviors to keep an eye out for as you feel out a new relationship — and what you can do about it all.
They Refuse To Talk About Your Future Together
If your crush or dating partner shies away from any mention or acknowledgement of a future together, stay on high alert. Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a relationships expert and clinical sexologist who runs Eros Coaching, tells Elite Daily one sign someone is on the rebound is when they're "unwilling to talk about a long-term future together." Not wanting to plan dates too far in advance or being distant until they're looking to hang out (probably on short notice) are red flags.
They're Going Out Excessively
If you get the sense that someone is partying a little more than usual post-breakup, consider that a red flag, too. That's not just going on dates with "everybody and anybody." That also includes "doing things and engaging in activities they won't do usually, [for example] dancing or drinking a lot," Lee says.
So, if your Hinge match or Bumble date who says they're an introvert is going up in the club on a Tuesday, chances are they're on the rebound. Lee explains they're probably "going out a lot to make up for the times when they felt trapped or caged by their partner."
They Won't Stop Talking About Their Ex
Martinez said that if your partner is rebounding, that "can mean that your partner can have lingering feelings for a former flame — that can be positive, negative or both." Holding tight to any attachment to a former partner, tangible (an old hoodie) or intangible (putting their favorite song on repeat), can be a sign someone isn't over their ex.
If you're going on dates but they still haven't changed their FB relationship status, or they haven't changed their lock-screen from a pic of them and their ex? Red flags. Same goes for discussing their ex on dates or insisting that you grab dinner at their ex's favorite food spot.
"You may want to get a sense of which ex they are referring to and determine if there's a pattern. If they keep referencing the same person, then you know there may be lingering feelings there — even if they're not positive," Martinez said. At that point, you'll know they're not just getting under you to get over someone else. They're just biding their time until they can figure out what they want to do about their last relationship.
So, How Do You Address It?
If the person you're seeing is fresh off a breakup and has exhibited one or more of these rebound dating behaviors, Lee suggests you "plant a seed by asking whether what they are doing is beneficial to them in any way."
But more than that, Lee says that if you're in a relationship with someone on the rebound, you should ask yourself where the relationship is actually going. "It is often difficult to change the minds of people who aren't open or looking for love. Your perseverance and patience may pay off," Lee says. "Or, it may not.
Sometimes, rebound relationships can work out. But, more often than not, rebounds can be messy. In Lee's experience as a relationships counselor, she says people who stick with their rebound relationship are constantly questioning whether they made the right choice. "And this is definitely not a good thing at all. I would suggest exploring an open relationship," Lee explains. "If that is not an option for you, distance yourself gradually and look to move on."
Matchmaker Susan Trombetti has a script for when confronted with this situation. Point blank, tell the other person, "Hey, if you get to this point and you’re ready to move on in a healthy way, and I’m still available, then feel free to call me."
And that's all you can do: Close that chapter of your dating life with grace and keep chugging along. You deserve to have someone who's dating you for you, 100%.