19 Tweets About Halloween Walks Of Shame That Prove Nothing's Better Than Getting Laid On Halloween


Well, you guys, this year's Halloweekend has come and gone. Though, Halloween itself is nigh. Now, if you were careful this weekend — if you weren't preoccupied with whatever last-minute animal ears you had to throw together or with posting the sh*tty pumpkin you carved on Instagram — you saw the real spooky surprises we're all blessed with on Halloweekend: Halloween walks of shame.

Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're out and about, minding your own business, about to stuff your face with an everything bagel on Sunday morning because you're hungover AF. Once you're done shoving a crumpled receipt in your pocket, you walk out the door, you look up, and you see Halloween's greatest treasure: a person in a bloody banana costume, walking down the street, Halloween makeup smeared across their face, trying to walk home as fast as they possible can without throwing up... again.

Then again, maybe you didn't see it happen. Maybe that Halloween fast-walker was you. We've all been there. Sure, being an alien unicorn in 6-inch heels and a tutu for Halloween seems like the best idea... until you decide to smash the person dressed as Big Bird that night, and you have to walk home the next morning leaving a trail of glitter and stray yellow feathers behind you. (But hey, nothing to be ashamed of. You had a good night!)

Anyway, whether you saw the entire cast of Grey's Anatomy looking like death while making the long trek home after Halloweekend or whether you were the lone pumpkin just trying to get back to your patch, you've got to admit, Halloween walks of shame are objectively the funniest ones, and these tweets prove it.

This is the gospel truth. I don't make the rules. I just follow them.

Looks like SpongeBob was a long way from Bikini Bottom.

At the end of the day, aren't we all just American psychos?

"If it's in a word, or if it's in a book, you can't get rid of..."

Disheveled sexy cat, blink once if you're OK, and blink twice if that zombie is 100 percent about to eat your guts.

This is fake news because mermaids can't walk. Did no one watch The Little Mermaid?

Sexually liberate pumpkins everywhere!

Walk of shame? HOW ABOUT STRIDE OF PRIDE AMIRIGHT? OK, sorry. Sitting down now.

Self-awareness level: 1,000,000.

He wants to be where the people are. Can you blame him?


OK, OK, OK, I know there's a "walk into a bar" joke about this one...

Wait, genuine question: How TF does anyone even dress up as a bird watcher? Asking for me because I am curious.

This is so true, no matter which way you slice it. (I'm sorry again.)

Halloween is awesome, Nick. How can we even bear it? (Still sorry.)

Can someone please help Big Bird get back to Sesame Street? This is an emergency.

*Writes this tweet down as reason #687 why unicorns are real*

Someone: Is this the way to the Krusty Krab?

The person this tweet is about: NO, THIS IS PATRICK!

In the future, let there be no shame in your Halloween game. Put your damn costume back on, hold your shoes, and keep your head held high unless you have to throw up in your purse. (Again, we've all been there.) Because if we're being completely honest, you probably had a better Halloweekend than everyone else did... you know what I'm sayin'? (If you don't, I'll give you a hint: It starts with an S and ends in "ex.")

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