It's time for me to be honest. Some people navigate Tinder like true champs, but not all of you are pulling your weight. You're giving dating apps a reputation as a playground for sleazeballs, flakes, and bores. And that's not fair, because I have faith in you — I know you're better than that! You might not realize that your go-to messaging strategy is doing you a disservice. So it's time to take a closer look at the most annoying Tinder behaviors that turn women off right away... and cut all that sh*t out right now.
Here's what a lot of people don't realize about dating apps: Women typically get way more matches (and conversations that lead to dates) than men do. As big as you might imagine the discrepancy to be, it's even bigger. Seriously. It might not be fair, but the dating game just isn't the same across the gender spectrum.
That means if you want to stand out from the crowd — in a good way — you need to up your game.
I asked 17 women about what bugs them most about messages on dating apps. These tactics make conversations sink faster than the Titanic. It's official, you've been warned.
I don't like when people ask the same questions and then give short and boring answers. Like, dude, no one is forcing you to be on this app or to talk to me. Don't make it seem like it's a chore.
— Lauren, 24
Not paying attention to her bio or asking to meet up without conversing first.
OMG, where do I even begin. I don't like when guys ask a question that I blatantly have the answer to in my bio, or when a guy immediately asks to go for drinks when there hasn’t even been any decent/substantial conversation (this makes me suspicious/gives creepy vibes).
— Kendall, 20
The absolute worst thing is when you feel like you're vibing with someone over message and they suddenly bring dick pics into the conversation. I'll be talking about my job or favorite coffee shop and all of the sudden they'll go, 'By the way, if you add me on Snapchat I'll send you a pic.' It's totally uncalled for, completely unsolicited, and 100 percent disappointing.
— Holly, 22
Unmatching right after the first message.
My biggest dating app pet peeve is when someone 'unmatches' you immediately after you first message them. Especially on apps like Bumble where the girls have to message first.
— Kaitlyn, 23
Only communicating in GIFs or one-word answers.
I hate when they only send GIFs to communicate. And this is probably a pet peeve hat everyone has, but people who only respond with one-word answers.
— Grace, 19
Putting in no effort... or conversations that go on forever without leading to a date.
'Hey what's up?' = the worst. Also, convos that went nowhere or when guys didn't make any effort to ask questions. And I didn't like when convos draggggg forever without a, 'Let's exchange numbers,' or 'Let's meet for a drink.'
— Rachel, 29
If you can't converse like a normal person, or the conversation stalls out, fix that ASAP.
I'm literally the pickiest person ever. If they take forever to respond, and then only reply with like a one-word answer. If they completely skip answering a question. When they repeatedly message a dozen times in a short time span. When they only reply in emojis or GIFs. When the conversation goes around and around without ever moving forward. When they respond to my opening line with their cell number (like, dude, I'm not giving out my number to someone I literally don't know anything about). When I actually do allow a guy to have my cell number and he keeps messaging on the app anyway. When they just don't reply at all, obviously. Also, I hated the conversations that were like an interview or when it was like pulling teeth to get a response. Obviously dating apps are kind of an artificial setting to talk to someone, but it shouldn't feel that way.
— Paulina, 23
Boring opening lines.
I hate when people just say 'hey' or 'hi.' I like creativity — if there's no personality in a first message, I'm over it. I also hate when I have a good opening line on Bumble (at least my friends and I think it's pretty good) and the guy doesn't want to answer that or doesn't play along. For me, if they aren't willing to engage and be creative from get-go, I'm over it.
— Lauren, 25
Asking to chat on Facebook.
It annoys me when the guy just writes 10 questions and it’s like an interview, or when he writes a long message first and I know he sends the same thing to everyone. It annoys me the most when he starts a conversation like, ‘Can we chat on Facebook?’ No.
— Mercedesz, 21
Asking her out right away or sending the same line to everyone.
If a guy cuts straight to asking for drinks without asking any questions about you first. Or when he asks how your weekend was (or anything super, super impersonal), you know he sent the same thing to everyone.
— Stephanie, 28
Dick pics, requests for nudes, and unmatching right away.
My big pet peeves with these apps would be the sending of private parts without consent. I don’t want to see it and most of the time I ask them not to send the picture, but they do it anyway. I really hate it when a guy’s opening line is the infamous “send nudes.” Could they not at least try to be more creative? I also find it unfortunate on Bumble when I send a guy a message and instead of a response, I get unmatched. Why swipe right for me if you are just going to unlatch me when I send along a message?
— Katie, 22
Asking the same questions she's heard a thousand times before — or inviting her over right away.
I feel like the conversations go one of two ways. Either I’m having the same repetitive 'how are you doing/what’s your job/what are your hobbies' conversation — seriously, some conversations get hard to differentiate — or the guys jump right to the chase and are already wanting me to come over and just 'hang out!' Whatever the intentions, it’s too soon!
— Jaclyn, 23
Letting your dick steer the conversation.
Oh my goodness, the way people are so honest and out there. I’m all about honesty, but getting a first message saying, ‘Wanna f*ck?’ Is absolutely a turn-off.
— Melanie, 20
Treating Tinder like a job interview.
Something I dislike especially is when a guy I just started talking to starts firing multiple questions at me about my dating preferences and what I’m looking for. I’d like to get to know someone at least a bit, and dislike it when they go straight for, ‘Do I need to be this tall?’ Or ‘Are you into smart guys?’ These feel incredibly weird to answer when all I know about a person is a name and a picture. Conversations should flow naturally and not feel like third-degrees.
— Linda, 21
Conversations that fizzle out fast.
It's frustrating when I finally match with a guy that is handsome or I am interested in, we exchange three back-and-forth standard sentences, then I ask to meet in person, and the conversation stops there.
— Allegra, 23
Lack of response. If you're interested in that person, wouldn't you want to talk with them?
— Emily, 26
Using Tinder for validation (and nothing else).
One of my dating app pet peeves is when guys talk about hanging out and seem extremely interested in meeting up, but then they completely disappear and cease all communication. It’s like once I show that I am down to go out with them they decide that they are no longer interested. I think the problem is that a lot of us are using these dating apps for validation rather than seriously looking for someone to date.
— Katie, 25
So now that you're well aware of what not to do, check out this list of women's favorite opening lines ever. You got this — I promise.
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