"Hey, can I play on your dating apps?!" If you're single and attempting to online-mingle, I'm sure one of your very well-meaning, but very monogamous friends has requested a turn on your phone. You probably thought, "IT'S MY DATING LIFE, DAMNIT, NOT A GAME!" and then subsequently and less dramatically, "I mean, if you
must." Because if you've spent any significant amount of time on apps, you start to see the same funny dating app bios, so much so that you begin to believe there's no such thing as an original joke.
For those of you who like originality, it can feel bleak out there on the dater-net, but I actually think it's entertaining that everyone seems to describe themselves similarly. Every profile mentions the outdoors or traveling, and everyone is "fun." But to be fair, there are millions of people on the apps, so it's statistically pretty hard to be original in your bio. Maybe it's just a numbers game. Or maybe everyone's reading the same
dating advice online (hey, if it's good, it's good).
Since exhaustion loves company, here are the dating app bios you'll see over and over again whether you're
single and swiping, or taken and "playing" on a friend's app.
While I think it's definitely helpful to know where people are from, I find it super funny that somewhere along the way, people collectively decided the best way to share your city-history was to use airport-style abbreviations, but without actually using the actual three-letter airport codes. (New York's airports are JFK and LGA, so... what?)
"Sense of humor is a must."
I really appreciate when matches clarify this fact because I myself would prefer a humorless grump who takes everything super seriously. I know, I know, I'm being a jerk. But again, it's LOLz to me that people feel the need to clarify they like being around people who make them laugh. Um, SAME! Who wouldn't?
I have a private Instagram, so maybe I just don't understand this. Are you trying to get on
The Bachelorette, are you trying to get more followers, or are you genuinely confident in your Instagram game? To be fair, with all of the social media fallout with this season's Bachelorette contestant Garrett, it's actually not a bad idea to vet your bae as soon as possible. Keep this going, friends!
This is more male-specific, but there are many bios that simply list height, and I honestly understand why. Well, sort of. I'm a straight 5'2 woman, so I'm usually not to worried about being taller than my date, but
some women care about that. Putting height in your bio is totally fine, but just be honest about it, no matter your gender or orientation. I feel like every dude on the internet is "5'11" which usually means "Two to three inches under 6 feet" IRL. Another strategy: list a height like one inch shorter than you are, so that when you turn up, you look super tall! (But, I mean, honesty is best.) 05
"Pizza. Soccer. Movies."
Or any other combination of three or more random words that I think are things you like? I find it interesting when people quite literally objectify themselves by putting the objects they like on their dating profile. It's cool to share your interests with someone else, but I also like complete sentences... or at least phrases.
I understand that
dating someone with a child is very different than dating someone without a child, but can't you mention that in the messages? Also, if this isn't your kid, isn't it a bit strange to be putting them on blast on dating apps? I know the goal is to look like you're good with kids, but it's funny how many people write "not my kid," and nothing else. Got it!
This is important, because I'm definitely swiping on that fluffy retriever puppy and not you. I actually find "not my dog," to be entertaining and transparent. It's less of a disclaimer, and more of a declaration of "I'm not going to get your hopes up," which I appreciate, because it's no fun when hopes get crushed in dating.
"Adventurous, outgoing, passionate."
I'm so impressed by how many people on apps love adventures and being outdoors and fitness. I'm also surprised at how many of those people who love being in shape also love tell you who they are before you get a chance to know them. No shade, just sayin'...
Emojis are to dating app profiles what cereal is to breakfast: they're quick and easy, but are not entirely offensive. They're also sometimes a colorful pop to an otherwise drab situation. (See: Lucky Charms.)
I would imagine, much like the sense of humor bit, that we all love to travel. But this does lead to a few not-entirely-drab conversation starters: "Where was the last place you traveled?" or "Where's the top spot on your travel list?" Acceptable.
ENTP Or, [Insert Your Myers Briggs Type Here]
I always forget about the Myers Briggs personality types until I go on a dating app and see one million of them. But I kind of like it, because then I try to remember what I was (ENTP) and what all the categories are (check them out here) and I go down a fun rabbit hole of considering whether it is nurture or nature who made me who I am?
I saw at least five
Myers-Briggs types during the refresher-swipe that I did to research this article. (And I probably only swiped 30 people total.) In my pass of the apps, I also found what should be a new trend — or that is a trend that I am just not up on yet — in a profile that read, "Zika free. 805 credit score." I swiped right.