If you've ever half-watched a horror movie while hiding behind your hands, you may already be familiar with the experience of wanting to look, but looking away. When it comes to dating, reading heartbreaking breakup speech stories can cause a similar sensation. You want the tea, but you're also aware that you might just burn your tongue.
No matter how long you've been dating someone, breakups can be tough. Whether you've been unhappy for a while, but haven't been able to say so or you suddenly realized that you want to be single, knowing what you want to say before calling it quits can be a helpful practice. Being clear about why you want to break up with someone can calm your nerves before having a hard conversation with your boo. Of course, finding yourself on the receiving end of a breakup speech can feel like an IRL nightmare. Whether your boo is going off in person, left you a breakup note, or sent a breakup text (Oh, it happens), the end of a relationship can be unbelievably painful.
Elite Daily asked 10 people about their worst breakup speech stories, and what they said will make you grab the tissues.
We hadn't had sex in months and I was so done. I wrote down what I wanted to say to him: 'I love you, but you have absolutely no sexual desire for me whatsoever. This is not a relationship, we're just really close friends that live together. My self-esteem has been completely destroyed and it's making me miserable. Maybe when/if you get over your hang ups we could try again.' He claims to really love me, and I didn't want to sound cold or like I don't love him, but there isn't really any 'nice' way to say what I needed to say.
He was so out of tune with me that he thought things were perfect when I was suffering. I literally told him I wasn't happy for months and tried to get him to work on stuff but he never did. One day I just told him, 'I haven't been happy for months. You're so self-absorbed you didn't even notice how unhappy I was even when I literally told you to your face. You might be able to live happily ever after in a fantasy land of denial, but I'm not. Look, you barely pay attention to me anyway, so not much is going to change.'
We had been dating for a while and were considering moving in together. I realized I didn't want to live with him and that I wanted to breakup as we were looking for apartments. He fell in love with this once place and wanted to apply for it, and I just said, 'I'm not happy in this relationship. I haven't been happy for a long time, and I'm leaving. I still care about you, but I'm not in love with you anymore, and I don't want to be in a relationship with you.'
The trouble with explanations is that they gives something to argue against. They can't really argue against, 'I'm not happy' or 'I'm not in love with you anymore.' But if you make it about what they have or haven't done, they can argue that you're wrong or promise that they will change. After months of trying to talk about it, I essentially said, 'Look, we've had lots of discussions about why I'm unhappy, and nothing has gotten better. Now I'm done.' There's no way to do this without hurting them, so just try to accept that they'll be upset, but you have to do what's right for you.
We had been fighting for months and it was so clear it wasn't working out. I didn't want to leave the door open for us to stay friends or to slow down, I just wanted to rip the bandaid off. After going in circles for a while, I finally just yelled, 'We are breaking up! I'm sorry, but this didn't work out and I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm not going to change my mind so please don't ask me to.'
— Jenn, 28
Sometimes simplicity rules the day. I pulled up my hubby's favorite porn site after eight months of zero sexual contact, opened a word processing document, used the largest font, and wrote two lines: 'You win. I quit.'
My high school boyfriend dumped me over our first college winter break. We were still dating going into college, had spent Christmas together, and I thought everything was fine. I went over to his house and honestly thought we were about to have sex, when he started going on and on about how he wasn't 'attracted' to me anymore and how it wasn't going to work out. I literally ran out of his house crying.
— Lena, 25
We had just been on a big vacation with friends and had literally fought the whole time. I pretended I was super drunk and wandered off from the party, when I really was in my friends' hotel room crying about how I needed to end it. When we got back to our apartment, I started to unpack when I realized that I just couldn't do it anymore. I basically broke down for an hour and said everything that I had been feeling for the last couple of months. I took my half-unpacked bag and stayed at my friends'.
— Laura, 27
I cheated on with an old hookup buddy. It was my fault. I didn't want to tell her what happened because she wanted to lose her virginity to me. I wrote her a breakup letter to give her heartfelt reasons without word vomit. 'I want to be your first, but it’s my decision not to be. I don’t love you like I should, like you want, like you deserve. While we’re happy together, we don’t understand each other. We won’t. We’re sweet to one another. I’ll miss that. You need someone who is good for you, and while I love you, I’ll never be able to console you in stressful times. Our differences were endearing, but our common ground was disenchanting. Our bond was made of compassion and sympathy. We need more than that.'
Here's a little background: We'd only been hanging out for a few weeks, but in that time, we had said we weren't seeing other people and I had been to his friends' houses and done stuff with his friends. I asked him if he wanted to go to my friend's hockey game with me and he said he'd let me know. I asked him again on the day of the game, and he didn't respond until the game was over, saying he wasn't up for going. The next day I texted him that it hurt my feelings, because I had met his friends and was excited for him to meet my friends. He sent me the longest text ever about how I was so clingy and demanding, and that he needed more "him time." He also said that the relationship had moved too fast and he wasn't 'sure' how he felt about it or me. I was so shocked and sad that I didn't even respond.
— Jenna, 23
Whether you write out your thoughts to keep the conversation on track or call it quits with a note, breakup speeches come in all shapes and sizes. No matter how you slice it, breakups are hard. If you've recently been through a tough breakup, try reciting all the things you love about yourself. When you're feeling low, a reminder to be patient and positive is the only speech you need to hear.
