Creepy Guy Fails Miserably At Being Subtle In Ad Looking For Sensual Masseuse

by Tim McGovern

Welcome to Craigslist, where ladies are offered free Coachella tickets for 20 weird demands and where people are killed after being enticed into threesomes by teens.

In another example of how creepers gonna creep-creep-creep-creep (*sing to the tune of "Shake It Off"*) on Craigslist, one 62-year-old who lost his go-to masseuse wants another one.

Wait, that's not creepy at all. In fact, that change must be so hard-... Oh, wait, it's a "sensual" masseuse. Empathy gone.

That's right, one Craigslist weirdo is looking for someone to replace his former masseuse with "great hands" to "make me finish."



Yes, dude. I "know what" you "mean."

Thank you for the demonstration, Ms. Blanchett.

*Literally shivers for a minute straight*

At one point in the ad, the guy said everything between him and his former masseuse was "very positive, never felt wrong" because they were both in relationships.

In reality though, doesn't that kind of make this all a little worse?!

Like, if this guy were ever caught, do you think his girlfriend would be OK with the handjob finale after he said,

Babe. Babe! It's all good, honey boo. My happy ending-giving masseuse has a boyfriend. Now, let her finish jacking me off in our bedroom, and we'll watch 'Stranger Things' later.

Yeah, I think this guy's gal pal would hightail it out of his condo (for some reason, this guy lives in a condo, in my mind).

Also, it's weird enough this dude wants a masseuse to rub up his nether region on a weekly basis, but he also wants a picture, too?

Like, what do looks have to do with being a masseuse? And what are you going to do with picture, bud?

On second thought, don't tell me.

I want to save myself from that imagery if you don't mind.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to need to take a long bath to cleanse myself of this Craigslist post.

Citations: This Old Dude's Craigslist Ad Looking For A Weekly Happy Ending Is Everything I Aspire To Be In 40 Years (BroBible)