I Literally Grew Up So Ugly, I Was Forced To Figure Out Who TF I Was


I ain't gonna lie to y'all: Your boy used to be ugly.

Yes, I know, I know: It's hard to believe.

But as a kid, it did, in fact, seem to be the general consensus amongst my peers that I was not one of the beautiful people.

And contrary to the way our elections work, the majority's opinion actually means something when it comes to matters of beauty.

Now, I'm able to comfortably talk about this for three reasons.

First, it's funny to think about in hindsight. Secondly – and obviously – your boy didn't stay ugly (*insert flipping hair emoji*).

And lastly, I know damn well some of y'all were ugly as kids too.

That being said, I think it's time we all reminisce about the good, the bad and the ugly of growing up... well, ugly.

JK, we'll only focus on the good.

1. You appreciate it more.

When you remember how it feels to be a loser, you definitely appreciate being better looking way more.

Like, the fun of looking in the mirror does not get old. Regardless of how far removed I get from my ugly duckling childhood, I still feel like Will Smith in the "Fresh Prince" intro.

Warner Bros.

Remember that facial expression? It's like "Wow, this is dope!"

I finally see how all you beautiful people feel.

2. You peak at the right time.

Now, I'll admit it: It's no fun being on the receiving end of so many jokes as a kid. But it's almost like all that stuff never happened when you start looking better later in life.

Like, I barely even remember who the most "poppin" person was in middle school and high school... Don't nobody care about that no more.

When you start peaking in college and your post-grad period, you've arrived on the scene right on time.

3. You work on your personality.

This is both a hilarious and sad point. But when you're not exactly the best looker around, you have to find something that will work in your favor... especially if you're trying to date.

I don't care what it is. Get funnier, get smarter or become a better conversationalist, but you gotta do something.

All I know is, after being ugly, nobody can say I'm boring. I had to learn not to be in order to survive.

4. You're confused when people compliment you.

Alright, this is not one of the "best" things, but it's definitely one of the funnier parts. It's still confusing when people give you compliments.

Like, obviously, you spent your money on clothes in order to look good. You woke up in the morning in order to look good. You learned how to carry yourself in a certain way in order to look good.

And yet, when people tell you you look good, you're still confused, like,

Every. Time.

5. Your jokes are way better.

When you face so many insults early on in life, you're bound to get good at shooting them back. After all, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball... right?

In fact, it's like having a nuclear weapon. Your jokes get so good, you can't even use them on people. (Side bar: The people who throw the most jokes happen to be the most sensitive.)

True story: I once told one of my dear friends she looked like Jynx the Pokemon.

That was my Hiroshima: I had to retire the arsenal after that.

6. You learn how to wield confidence.

Here's one of the more interesting things about growing up ugly: You realize all ugly isn't created equal. Like, I vividly remember people uglier than me getting more girls.

I was befuddled.

But soon, I realized there was a simple reason behind that: They just acted like they weren't ugly.

I can guarantee you one of my friends is reading this right now and thinks I'm still ugly, but won't say anything because I'm acting like I'm not ugly.

Confidence really does wonders.

7. You get to "glo" up.

I want you to understand something: There are two ways people go through life.

Regular people grow up. Us funny-looking kids? We "glo" up.

The "glo" up is a term only reserved for people who achieve considerable progress from how corny they used to look. (You lifelong beautiful people don't count in this one.)

So, if you look drastically different from the way you did during your high school days, congratulations on your "glo" up.

8. You get to have the last laugh.

He who laughs last, laughs best. Even the Bible says it somewhere... I think.

But for real: I'm not saying I'm laughing at anyone from the past.

What I am saying, though, is – knowing how some people turned out – you definitely have the right to laugh at the notion that those people thought they were better than you.

9. You never dread seeing people from the past.

I'll admit that running into people from high school – and even college – can be annoying. I dread it sometimes, but that's only because they might talk too much.

What I don't dread is seeing people I used to like. In fact, those are the ones who need to see your "glo" up the most.

10. You learn humility.

I don't know about y'all, but I do NOT feel comfortable calling anyone ugly. (Disregard what I said above: That was for comedic effect.)

Bottom line: I know how that word can hurt.

I'm not trying to disrespect someone else like that.

To be honest, I don't even like calling myself beautiful (eye of the beholder and all that good stuff).

The most I'll say is I made a lot of progress, and learned a lot of (funny ass) lessons along the way.

You probably did too.