Do I Have To Make My Sister My Maid Of Honor? And Other Rules You Can Break
Family offers lots of love, support, plenty of drama and yes, stress.
They are the people you can't choose to be in your life. You have to deal with them as they are and the best way you know how.
That said, there are ways of dealing with your family that don't have to involve you sacrificing your self-care and peace of mind.
Keep your family close and your sanity closer by putting these dispelled family myths to good use.
1. Your Sibling Has To Be Your Maid-Of-Honor
I attended a friend's wedding as a bridesmaid and noticed that not only was her sister not her maid-of-honor, but she also wasn't even in the wedding at all.
There was no drama. In fact, the entire wedding was pretty seamless and her sister didn't seem to care about not being in the party. She had also helped us decorate the wedding hall and had her own table at the reception with her boyfriend.
Later, I asked my friend why her sister wasn't with us in the wedding party and she told me with zero malice that she and her husband decided that they wanted people in the wedding who have supported their relationship since they first got together 10 years ago.
Apparently, her family was not initially supportive of her relationship, because of her husband's race and age. While they had all gotten past the issues, she wanted her wedding to not just be a celebration of their relationship, but of all the people and friends they made while together who poured positivity into them.
2. Parents Are Always Right
This is a no-brainer. Parents teach us plenty of necessary and helpful lessons, but they don't always get it right. While you should always be respectful of the people who created and raised you, learn to stand up for yourself and speak your peace.
It is not disrespectful to express disagreement or to have concerns about how you are spoken to or treated.
3. You Have To Solve Every Household Quarrel
If your parents are having a tough spot or your siblings are arguing, don't feel obligated to get involved. You will stress yourself out trying to manage the ins-out-outs of the relationships in your family circle.
Additionally, don't feel selfish about requesting that your family members keep you out of their drama.
4. You Have To Talk To Family Members Every Day
Staying connected with your family is important. Call your parents. Text your siblings. Shoot, send an email if you're busy at work and just happen to think of them. Life is so short, and you want to give people their flowers while they can still smell them.
What you don't have to do is obsess over this and call or text people every day. There are some close friends who don't even talk every day or every week and are fine. As long as you check in at least once every week or every couple of weeks, you are fine.
5. You Have To Lend Family Member Money
Let grown people be grown. Don't lend out money if it's going to inconvenience your own household. If you can and want to lend out money, you still don't have to do it if you notice a family member of yours only reaches out when he or she needs money.
Don't let yourself be used by anybody, blood or not.
6. The Whole Family Has To Come With You To Pick Your Wedding Dress
You have to wear it, so wear what you want. Their opinions don't count and if you don't want them there when you pick out your wedding dress, then don't invite them and tell them to mind their business.
You don't even have to show it to them if you don't want to. They'll catch you when you walk down the aisle and everything will be just fine.
7. Your Family Has To Always Approve Of Your Significant Other
It's nice when your family and significant other are cool. Having a boyfriend meet your sister, mother, and father and be adored by them is goals, right?
Your relationship can still thrive if that doesn't happen. Family members sometimes give significant others a hard time for a plethora of reasons like jealousy, respectability politics, etc...
If your babe treats your right and you are satisfied with your relationship, then you don't need anyone to co-sign that.
8. You Have To Spend Every Holiday With Your Family
Take a romantic getaway trip to an island for New Year's. Find a beach with just your besties for the Fourth of July. While you have the means, the time, and the youth, you should be traveling and doing different things on the holidays.
Also, if you know you are the type to go away for holidays, one way to keep a good balance of family time is to make sure you never miss birthdays or other important life events. It's important to know when to show up. You can do that and still live your life.
9. You All Have To Be Super "Close"
Some people aren't close to their family. It sucks if a family is at war and not on speaking terms, but if you guys are in a good place, but just not kiss-and-hug besties, then there is nothing wrong with that.
Again, be there for your family when it counts. Other than that, there is a reason why we are able to actually pick our own friends.
10. You Should Move Out Of Your Parents House At A Certain Age
In the same way that not all families are close, it's also true that not all families are separated. A third of millennials in the United States are opting to live with their parents, according to CBS News.
Also, in other cultures outside of America, it is common practice for immediate and extended family members to all live together. Do what works best for you, your family, and your finances. What other people say about how you should be adulting is not your concern.