When I turned 21 a couple of months ago, I found myself having an early quarter-life crisis.
It seemed like all my Facebook friends were engaged and having babies, and here I was: I was four years away from my ideal engagement age, watching "Grey's Anatomy" alone.
So, I began to think back on my love life (or lack thereof). I realized the number of situationships I'd had severely outnumbered the number of relationships I had been in, and I hadn't been in a relationship since high school.
So, what was wrong with me? It's not like I didn't have options. In fact, for someone with no romance in her life, I had actually turned a lot of guys down.
But then, it hit me: It was no coincidence I had found myself in weird situationships (or almost relationships).
I'm a rather closed-off individual, and I've always been that way. I like my personal space, and I show more emotion toward my TV than I do to the people in my life. So clearly, I'm not the perfect candidate for a relationship... which is why I can't find one, even when I tell myself I'm looking for one.
Instead of working to let my guard down, I choose guys I know I won't necessarily be with. I choose guys who are emotionally unavailable, or guys with whom I know it would never work out.
In this way, I don't have to change.
Here are the three types of guys an emotionally unavailable girl will go after:
1. “I'm not ready for a girlfriend.”
This kind of guy is very common, especially in your late teens and early 20s. He uses the excuse he's not ready to date anyone seriously.
But chances are, you knew this before you even pursued him.
It's usually pretty obvious who's still embracing his or her youth when it comes to dating.
But this is why you like this guy. Being a girlfriend isn't really your area of expertise, so you won't be letting anyone down by being involved with this guy.
2. “When we're together, we're together.”
What seems to be a load of bullshit to some is perfection for us emotionally unavailable girls. Being single gets boring, so sometimes, having someone who swoops into town only occasionally is the perfect way to spice things up.
Deep down, you know this will never work out because your lack of emotion makes long-distance relationships very difficult. But for you, that's the beauty of this situation.
There's no real emotion or commitment involved, except for the 24 to 48 hours you're together. THAT, you can handle easily.
When he leaves, you can go back to your normal routine of not texting people back.
3. “I'm not a good guy.”
Good. We don't want a good guy. We would hurt a good guy.
Even though it seems like we have no feelings, we're not complete assholes. This is why sweet guys are complete turnoffs.
So, thank you for being honest. Chances are, we sought you out just because we thought you might be an asshole. Please hurt us so we can be reminded why we don't do relationships in the first place.
I've realized my man-choosing method is highly flawed.
Like I said, I'm only four years away from the age when I'd like to be engaged. So, my goal this year is to actively show emotion and work on letting my guard down.
I can't expect to find the love of my life in a guy who doesn't even bother to text me back.
Even though subconsciously I don't think this is true, I really deserve to find someone who will actually be interested in me.
So do you.
But until I get there, I'll keep taking the easy way out: Nothing is more fun than telling your friends about all your fuckboy experiences.