Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy," the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if they were infectious diseases.
A woman's dating preference is the ultimate paradox.
The thing is, while we're constantly on the lookout for that super sweet, caring guy who will make a great companion, we're actually attracted to the guy who ignites passion within us.
Nice guys are just boring.
It's a giant catch-22, isn't it? We want to have serious relationships with good, sweet guys, but we want to make babies with aggressive assh*les.
There's just something so satisfying about taking the jerk home from the bar who's spent most of the night intellectually challenging you in a heated verbal debate.
He needs to be brought down a notch. He's absolutely infuriating! And isn't that so f*cking sexy?
What it all comes down to is biology. We are literally, scientifically geared to want assh*les.
While women claim to want “the nice guy,” we're genetically hard-wired to want to procreate with the alpha male because he has stronger sperm.
There is an actual “Nice Guy Paradox"
In two studies highlighted in “Sex Roles, A Journal of Research,” the “nice guy paradox” is explored.
This nice guy stereotype contends that women often claim they want a nice guy, a man who is sweet, kind and sensitive, and yet, when it comes down to it, she rejects this man for one with “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality.
Both studies found that “nice” qualities were more desirable for long-term relationships while physical attractiveness prevailed in terms of sexual relationships:
Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships.
A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy focused on university women and their perception of the “nice guy” stereotype:
More than one half of the women agreed that nice guys have fewer sexual partners, however, more than one half also reported a preference for a nice guy over a bad boy as a date.
As hypothesized, women who placed a lesser emphasis on the importance of sex had fewer sexual partners, were less accepting of men who had many sexual partners and were more likely to choose the nice guy as a dating partner.
So when it comes to sex, women are more inclined toward the fiery, passionate qualities they attribute to the “bad boy” or the alpha male, but when it comes to dating and serious relationships, women claim to want a “nice guy.”
Girls like to have someone around to whom they can express their feelings, but women are sexual creatures, so when it's time to jump in the sack, we want a guy who is going to lay it down.
This means even though we ladies claim to want serious relationships with good guys, we end up going for the guy who's no good for us.
So it's sex that ultimately drives a woman into the arms of the alpha assh*le. What a tangled web we weave, no?
We just don't learn our lesson
A study from researchers at Hartpury College in England, of 146 British women, ages 18-24, found that even the most seasoned daters still tended to fall for men who expelled narcissistic qualities.
The narcissistic male does not make a good partner, but even experienced females do not realize this.
These women even often ended up married to narcissists. In a tragic twist of fate, the assh*les are now breeding assh*les. Oy vey.
The tests are tried and true; women habitually chase these d-bags, despite how many times they have their hearts broken.
It's like we just can't help ourselves. We want those arrogant dicks who make us somehow feel alive.
We love the danger
We choose assh*les because of the danger factor involved in dating guys who are strong and conceited.
We know they're wrong for us, they'll never treat us the way we think we deserve to be treated, and instead of running for the hills, we jump on for the ride. Damn you, biology!
Nice guys are boring
No woman wants to be with a man who doesn't know how to assert himself. Whether we want to admit it or not, we want excitement in our relationships. We want a powerful, aggressive man.
This can be a difficult thing to admit as a strong, independent female, but it is, nonetheless, true.
Women don't want to be with someone who is all calm seas and clear skies; we crave constant challenges in everything we do.
When it comes to love, we choose the guy who satisfies that desire. The nice guy may seem great on paper, but he turns out bland in real life.
We want a project
Women like to "fix men." A nice guy doesn't need any taming. He's already solid on the homefront. He isn't intense or severe.
As often as we ladies say those chaotic personality traits aren't what we're looking for in a boyfriend, they are. Just look at history.
When a woman is faced with a "bad boy," she automatically finds the challenge to tame him alluring.
His vanity is all at once angering and intoxicating. If she can bring him down to earth, it would be the ultimate accomplishment.
Our carnal wants will win out every time.