Beautiful Disaster: 7 Reasons Why We're Drawn To The Damaged Person

by Gigi Engle

Passion is a fickle b*tch. Passion often makes us do crazy things — things that are outside of our normal character. It can draw us in, consume us, leave us parched and begging for more even when it’s dried us out and left us for dead.

It's the lifeblood of the world. It gives it color and meaning. Without it, existence would be dull, and our minds would view the world in muted shades of grey.

What's the meaning of attraction? What ignites passion inside of another person to feel fiercely connected to another person?

It’s that feeling you get when your skin feels like it’s on fire without his or her touch to ease it; it's the times when you feel so crazy and out of control, you fear you’ll lose your mind.

Passion is a complex emotion. It’s essential to everything, and yet it's profoundly dangerous. All too often a person might find him or herself hopelessly devoted to a lost soul, a self-destructive lunatic who breathes selfishness and eviscerates every good thing that comes his or her way.

Why do we develop intense, unrelenting feelings for people who'll do us no good?

That’s a twisted thing about passion... sometimes, it can ruin your life.

We want to save them

We become attracted to these waifs, these tormentors, these vessels of violence because we want to save them. It’s in our DNA to be protective, to care for those we perceive as wounded. People who go after others who are damaged care more for other people than they do themselves.

We want to make them human

We want to show them that they deserve to be loved because they're exquisite. But they aren’t. We place them on a pedestal; we idealize them.

We tell ourselves that they aren’t bad people, that they won’t cheat on us again, break us again or abandon us again — but somehow they always let us down and break our hearts again.

We like a challenge

When we have a project, it gives us something to do. Your newest love is just a work in progress. Sometimes it’s easy to think that people can change, molded into someone more solid, more goal-oriented, more deserving of you.

If you can fix them, you can fix anything, right? You can’t give up on them because that would be admitting that you'd failed and that you weren’t capable of any feat.

We crave the excitement

Every time they let you down, your heart breaks all over again. Being with them is exciting; it’s unpredictable and never boring. Your partner is a loose cannon. You’re always on your toes, waiting for the next fiery explosion to occur.

We relish in the good moments

When the sea calms and you relish in those brief moments of peace, you imagine they’ve finally come to their senses and decided to appreciate you and love you as much as you love them. For sporadic and fleeting periods of time when the waves stop relentlessly crashing down on your soul, and you can just lie there in their arms, you start to trust them completely again.

They wouldn’t ever hurt you again, right? They’ll change; they have changed, haven’t they? Yes, but only until the next time they grow restless and fidgety, dissatisfied with the steady pace of a stable life.

They briefly come to a rational understanding that their life is a wreck, and let you glue them back together, only to take a sledgehammer to it the moment you rest your eyes.

We’re a little self-destructive, too

Why else would we be with someone who treats us like sh*t? It’s like we’re asking for it by always accepting their latest apologies, turning a blind eye to the dubious truth that this person could give less of a f*ck about you. There is obviously something broken inside of us that we’re choosing to ignore.

Their love is our drug

Love is exactly like a drug, not just an outdated Ke$ha song. We spend one amazing night with these exciting people, and they weasel their way into our blood streams, infecting us with an unshakable desire. I mean, science has proven love has the same effect on our brains as cocaine!

We become dependent on them and every single tiny morsel of affection. If they tell us we’re beautiful once, it surely cancels out all of the times they said we were nothing. It feels so good when it’s good that we choose to erase the bad from our memories like a heroin addict erases the sting of a needle.

We become numb to the pain and live for the highs. Because when we are high, there's nothing else. Nothing is quite as bright, nothing tastes as good, and nothing gives us that rush we desperately want.

Passion is a dangerous thing. And passion directed at the damaged person is lethal.

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