When I think about the food I ate growing up in the early 2000s, I sort of wonder how I'm alive today. (But I still eat way too many Quarter Pounders with Cheese, so who am I really kidding?)
If I wasn't being completely entertained by gimmicky junk food (and simultaneously being distracted by how truly unhealthy it was), I definitely wasn't about to eat my EFFING BROCCOLI, MOM. It didn't matter if it was breakfast, lunch or dinner; I wanted sugar-flavored, artificially-dyed everything.
Aside from always packing me soggy hot dogs slathered in ketchup, my mom was the real MVP of middle school lunch. She hooked it up with every 12-year-old's dream snacks, no matter the nutritional value. Now that I'm (kind of) an adult, I'm starting to appreciate how well she put up with my insane AF grocery store requests.
So, here's a look back at the weird food we somehow thought was acceptable to eat when we were kids:
If you didn't shit your pants because you ate so many Mango Sours in one day, we probably weren't friends in middle school.
EZ Squirt Ketchup
Honestly, I don't know what the hell we were thinking with this one. Heinz crossed a line.
Cookie Crisp just didn't measure up to these in the cookie-themed cereal department.
Cotton candy-flavored yogurt was everything, and it made you feel like you were (maybe) being (just a little bit) healthy.
If you were in my cafeteria crew, you ate these wonderful halos of joy FROZEN.
These bottles of sugar were as far from their "juice" label as their containers were functional.
Not to mention, Chucklin' Cherry was the flavor you were putting into your body.
Dinosaur Eggs Oatmeal
There's nothing like watching a Tyrannosaurus rex hatch and then melt away before first period, am I right?
3D chips for a 3D girl living in a 3D world.
Minute Maid Juice Bars
You definitely swallowed a shocking amount of cardboard while eating these.
Cinnamon Tic Tacs
I question the morals of anyone who likes cinnamon-flavored mints.
Jalapeño Cheese Goldfish
How can something so wrong taste so right?
With all of the organic, non-GMO blended fruit packets and all-natural, vegan snacks of today, this new generation will never understand what it was really like to go HAM during snack break. The early 2000s was a wonderfully lawless time, and we'll never forget the sweet, sweet taste of cornstarch.