The Bedroom Moves That Will Make Each Zodiac Sign Scream "No Thanks!"
What makes something sexy to someone? How are sexual tastes formed and developed? I'm sure psychologists have an explanation for why one person learns to masturbate by humping the couch at the age of 8 (just me?) and why another one doesn't touch themselves till they're 17.
But to me, zodiac signs are just as good an explanation as anything else.
If you just started a hot new summer fling, here are a few sexual missteps that'll make every sign in the zodiac delete your number.
Aries- Being Too Timid
Sex with an Aries is like going into battle, and they can smell your fear.
Show any signs of weakness or lack of confidence, and they'll immediately take it as a sign that you can't keep up. Ask them to tell you what they want, and they'll be disgusted.
What makes you think they won't take the reigns? Don't you see they're already in charge?
Taurus- Too Much Experimentation
Taurus needs stability both in and out of the bedroom.
If you try throwing in too many acrobatic moves or switch positions too much, they'll start to get frustrated. After all, sex for them is about figuring out what works and sticking to the classics. This isn't the car radio; stop changing stations.
Gemini- Not Knowing How To Talk Dirty
Geminis are a very verbal sign, and they need a lot of sick dirty talk to reach an orgasm. They'll ask for it too, so if you're not experienced in this arena and you say some stuttering shit like, "Your dick is like a hard cloud," they will absolutely cut ties and probably leave you a sh*tty Yelp review -- or at least blog about it.
Cancer- Ignoring Their Nipples
Cancer men and women love to have attention paid to their breasts/chest/nips. They need a lot of stimulation in this area, and ignoring it could ruin the experience for them.
Don't even think about a casual or quick bang session with a Cancer. As soon as you've finished, they'll want to share a snack and talk about your future.
Leo- Too Much Sentimentality
Leos love a lot of compliments in bed, but they don't want a lot of sentimentality.
If you haven't established a meaningful relationship with them, look at their body, not into their eyes. This is about orgasm, not soul connection.
Do not force any intimacy; if you make his bed the next morning, he will vomit all over those tucked in sheets.
Virgo- Unhygienic Settings
Virgos are the cleanest sign in the zodiac, and although they're willing to go to some crazy lengths to please their partner (They read endless articles about how to please.), they cannot abide sex in dirty public places, exposing their genitalia to germ ridden areas, or places like the beach where they'll be too worried about sand in their asshole to actually come.
Libra- Lack Of Concern For Them
If you're entering into a relationship with a Libra, I would strongly consider drawing up a sexual score-sheet that diagrams every sexual interaction.
On it, mark down who came first, who gave oral foreplay, who paid for dinner beforehand, and who traveled to the other person's place. That's because you can bet your next orgasm they're taking mental notes.
If the scales swing too much in your favor, they will make you pay.
A Scorpio needs to be able to practice their incredible ability to completely penetrate their partner, body mind and soul.
Sex is a transformative experience for them, and if their partner isn't doesn't seem profoundly changed by the experience, they'll take it very personally and quickly lose interest.
If you just lay there in bed and expect a Sagittarius to ride you to orgasm, you've got another thing coming, buddy.
This sign is as much a physical fitness trainer as they are a sexual partner, and if you're unwilling to do so much as break a sweat, they'll be off to find someone who will before they give it away to you.
Capricorn is a traditional sign, and usually this respect for tradition goes out the window once they get into bed with someone.
However, one traditional value they stick to is the ability to be on time, to be prompt, and to be communicative. Even if the relationship is a booty-call situation, you'd better not text them "U up?" without making a plan and sticking to it afterwards.
Aquarius- The Word "No."
I am by no means suggesting that an Aquarius won't respect the word "no" when it comes to gaining consent in the bedroom; they are incredibly good at respecting the boundaries of others.
What they can't stand is an unwillingness to experiment. Sex for them is like a science lab, and every partner is a puzzle. If you're not down to try new things, they'll go elsewhere quickly.
Pisces are submissive in bed; they want a partner to lead the way, because for them, sex is an escape.
They can't escape into the act if they feel like they're running the whole show. If you want to make them happy in bed, you'd better be prepared to take the reigns.