If You Can Make Out The Lyrics To Tiffany Trump's Pop Song, You Have A Gift
Yes, Donald Trump has another daughter apart from Ivanka (whom he may or may not want to have sex with -- jury is still out), and her name is Tiffany Trump.
You are free to follow her on Instagram, if you like.
There, you will see things like this -- which may help certain readers defeat their insomnia.
Now, I don't want to conflate Tiffany Trump with her father (who may or may not have a tiny penis and small hands) because I personally would hate to be lumped in with my own father, who was born and raised in Canada. *Shudder*
So, I reserve judgment on Tiffany Trump for now. I don't really know anything about her.
The only thing I know about her is she's incredibly rich and 22 years old. (I assume this is because she is a fan of Taylor Swift, who was also fond of that number.)
And, apart from posting videos of herself pretending to have a good time while someone photographs her, Tiffany Trump is also, as was recently discovered, an aspiring musician.
The song is called "Like A Bird," and it is exactly as good as you're thinking.
Now, I don't want to speak too soon, but I think this might be the best song I've ever heard. I believe, with all my heart, I will be humming it to my children as they fall asleep each night.
The song's lyrics are ESPECIALLY beautiful primarily because they are almost indistinguishable through the Auto-Tune.
I feel like this song is specifically designed to sound like you are having a harrowingly bad time on molly and all your friends have abandoned you.
According to New York magazine and its team of apparently owl-eared interns, the lyrics involve a lot of stuff like this:
You're cute and you're tweeting me! Baby you go beep, beep, beep!
Designer jeans, behind the scenes Kinda like that drama that Madonna brings. Play in my escape, in the drop-top coop We living it up, shine like aluminum foil in the club.
After all, there is surely nothing more glamorous than shining at the club like a thing you wrap sandwiches in.
Now, I invite you to a sporting challenge: Can you decipher what Tiffany Trump is saying in these two snippets?
Prepare your ears; they will not have been challenged this much in some time.
Lyric snippet #1:
Lyric snippet #2
Take our quiz below to test your listening abilities.