Mother's Day (or as it's colloquially known: Annual Disappoint Your Nice Mom Day) has been a thing since 1908 when Anna Jarvis started petitioning for a national holiday, three years after the death of her mother.
Don't tell your mom that, or the next time she might bring up Anna McSuperDaughter while saying you don't appreciate her (because you only call her when a president gets elected).
I wrote a lot of notes to my mom as a kid -- notes apologizing for not cleaning my room, notes with ultimatums about what I would and would not eat (f*ck sweet potatoes), and notes written on crumpled notebook paper that I stuffed into her hand on Mother's Day.
I was an ungrateful little gremlin, it's true. But at least I was cute.
So, in honor of all the hard-working, great moms out there, here are some of the best notes to moms from kids who are bad at writing them.
We're sorry for not calling you enough, and we love you a lot. Okay, there, I said it. Now leave me alone.
We tried and failed to do something nice for you. And yeah, you're welcome.
This note is from a very, very polite psychological terrorist.
And this is a note Nietzsche's mom wrote to him, I think.
Actually, a lot of these notes are from adorably angry kids...
...like this incredibly considerate runaway...
...and this kid (who, let me be clear, did not fart).
Also, some kids are really into taking their love hostage.
Yeah, that whole notion of "unconditional love" is utter bullsh*t.
"Listen lady, I love you, but I also love McDonald's. You really don't wanna make me choose."
Other kids just want to watch the world burn.
But some kids at least try to write sweet notes about how they love their moms (even when they don't "recenise")...
...like this backhanded genius...
...and this too beautifully honest thank you note from "Scott."
Seriously, these kids are masters of psychological trauma.
The backhandedness of this one has reached nuclear levels...
...and this one is like watching someone's feelings fall down a flight of stairs.
I'm getting very mixed messages.
In the end, there are some very considerate, very sweet ones...
...like this nice note written to a mom who f*cking aced first grade like it was no problem...
...and the one from this staunch realist.
OK, pretty sure he meant to write "you are the best" not "you ate the best." Although, maybe this mom is a very loving zombie.
Seriously, this one makes me want to cry. Also someone bring me GWOCKAMOLY.
Yeah, so this is pretty much the sweetest thing any child has said.
Have a happy Mother's Day, dummies.
Call your f*cking mom(s).