I Asked A Gyno When Beyoncé Will Give Birth So I Can Be At The Hospital, Waiting
Warning: This post is what many would call "extra." But I literally do not care. I'm extra as hell, SUE ME. (Except don't, because I'm also broke as hell.)
Anyway, look at this picture of Beyoncé. She is about to POP.
Or IS SHE?
IDK, guys, if there was only one Blue-Part-Two in that angelic womb, I'd say she's nine months pregnant and is fixin' to give birth the next time she sneezes. But she's got two babies in there; she could just be five months pregnant for all we know.
I. NEED. ANSWERS. So I reached out to an OB-GYN to get them, for I'm a Beyoncé sleuth, and I must do my sleuthing.
SOME MORE CONTEXT: My sister is also pregnant with her first child. I found out literally one week before Beyoncé made her announcement, and I am honestly still. quite. shook.
She made us Disney-themed announcements because we're taking a family vacation to Disney World next week. As you can tell from the look on my face, I was quite shook by this also. (LOOK AT MY SISTER AND BROTHER-IN-LAW'S BEAMING PARENTAL FACES.)
Does this mean my sister's baby and Beyoncé's twins are spiritually connected by the universe? Absolutely. That is one million percent what this fucking means.
So since these three babies are spiritually connected through the universe and there is absolutely no science that can dispute that fact, I HAVE to find out if my sister and Beyoncé will be having their babies on the same day. (My sister is due in August.)
It's entirely possible, seeing as literally no one knows exactly how far along the queen is. She's being hella mysterious as always, so we probably won't know the twins have arrived until they're, like, in college.
Hell, they could literally be in the world right now and we don't even know it. If Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling — mere plebeians compared to Queen Bey — can keep an entire pregnancy secret, then Bey can keep the birth a secret. She's done it before with albums, WHY NOT HUMANS?
Enter Dr. Lama Tolaymat, an OB-GYN from Orlando, Florida, specializing in maternal fetal medicine — the PERFECT encyclopedia for my investigation.
I sent Dr. Tolaymat links to Beyoncé's Instagram posts thus far — from her announcement nine weeks ago all the way to five days ago — and after studying all of the pictures, slideshows and videos provided (as well as listening to all of my conspiracy theories, what a patient gem she is), Dr. Tolaymat gave me her professional prediction.
ARE YOU READY?
Referencing Beyoncé's most recent post showing off her budding BeyBey belly, Dr. Tolaymat says Beyoncé, as of April 2, 2017, is probably 32 weeks pregnant.
She explains that pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, "but with twins, we usually deliver them at 38 weeks, we don't let them go that far," so Beyoncé could very well give birth by mid-May.
Did you hear that, people? Based on the picture below, Beyoncé is currently in her third trimester.
Though, we could all probably infer that ourselves from her pictures. But like I said before, twins change things! She could have a belly that size and still be in her second trimester depending on how the twins are positioned.
Dr. Tolaymat says,
With twins, [the mothers] are usually bigger, but depending on how [the twins are] lying, if they're next to each other, she may not look as big vs. if they're on top of each other. So if they lay in her belly next to each other, you know, side-by-side, the belly may not look as high as they would if they were laying first one on top of the second.
She and I both agree the babies are probably in the former position.
Dr. Tolaymat says Beyoncé looks "more like 26 weeks" pregnant in her announcement from nine weeks ago.
But Bey most likely posted this pic a couple weeks after it was actually taken, so for all we know, she was more than 26 weeks by the time she broke the internet with the now most-liked Instagram of all time.
Let's keep assuming Dr. Tolaymat's prediction is correct, and Beyoncé is, as of the week of April 2, 32 weeks pregnant.
If twins are typically delivered at the 38-week mark, that means the Carters will be adding two bundles of joy to their empire in as little as six weeks.
SIX WEEKS, PEOPLE. SIX WEEKS UNTIL THE SAVIORS OF THE UNIVERSE ARRIVE AND DELIVER US FROM TRUMP EVIL.
Given all of the #science we now have, let's make some predictions.
I consulted my fellow Elite Daily Entertainment team members to discuss when exactly we all think the twins will grace us unworthy scumbags with their majestic presence.
Our predictions are below, and yes, we took bets.
Steph: May 4
Kelli (me, duh): May 5 (not because Cinco De Mayo, but because five is my lucky number and this is 5/5)
Anna: May 14 (Mother's Day)
Katie: May 19
Dylan: May 21 (First day of Gemini calendar, aka twins)
Mary Kate: May 22
Adam: May 24
Eitan: May 25 (Eitan's birthday)
Taylor: May 26 (Taylor's birthday)
Tina: June 2
Math-wise, Anna's prediction of May 14 honestly might be the best bet. That is exactly six weeks away from the April 2 mark, and it's not hard to believe Beyoncé and Jay would decide to induce labor/plan a C-section for Mother's Day. That just works. But I'm still holding out for my guess!!
In terms of gender...
THEY WILL BE WHATEVER THEY IDENTIFY. And that's all I'm gonna say cause I'm sick of typing. It's been a long day. E-NOUGH with your conspiracy theories about what they will be!!
But if I were to theorize what genders the babies will be, you know, THEORETICALLY, I would say we cannot trust a THING she posts because Bey doesn't adhere to gender norms. Her daughter's name is Blue, come on. She clearly DGAF about sticking to gender stereotypes.
Some people think the babies are boys because she wore the earrings from her "If I Were A Boy" music video in an Insta post a couple weeks back.
Others think she's having both a boy and a girl because of the blue panties and pink bra she's wearing in her announcement pic.
Her latest Instagram posts of her baby bump (the ones Dr. Tolaymat examined) show her wearing pink in one set of posts, and purple surrounded by pink and blue flowers in another, which could be another hint she's having a girl and a boy because pink plus blue equals purple.
OR, you know, she could just be fucking with us and that mix of colors is just her leaving things ambiguous.
BUT LIKE I SAID, I HAVEN'T MADE ANY THEORIES ABOUT GENDER WHATSOEVER.
Unfortunately, this means my sister's baby and Beyoncé's twins will not be born on the same day. But, like, that doesn't mean they can't be friends.
Hey Beyoncé, you can @ me for playdates.