Being left in emotional purgatory over the status of a fling — or, in some cases, a full-blown relationship — can range from annoying to agonizing, depending on how into them you were. But no matter which way you slice it, being ghosted royally sucks. But what sucks even more? The person who ghosted you coming back to haunt you after you were just starting to forget about them. If you’re not sure what to say to someone who ghosted you and came back, then the answer all depends on what you want from that person.
According to New York-based relationship expert April Masini, deciding whether or not to give a ghoster a second chance all depends on why they ghosted you — and whether ghosting is a habit for them. "If [someone] ghosts you because this is [their] normal behavior, move on. It’s cowardly and rude,” she previously told Elite Daily. “But... if [they] ghosted you because there was a miscommunication and [they] did contact you but the email or text didn't go through, or it's in your spam folder, give [them] another chance."
Depending on their explanation (if they do offer an explanation, that is), here’s how to respond to a guy that ghosted you and came crawling back.
If You Want To Give Them Another Chance
Want to give that ghost another chance? Then you should probs have reasonable expectations before you send a reply. "Set your expectations really, really low,” said Anita A. Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love. “Don't get your hopes up that [they’re] into you or want to date you. [They] could be bored, know you're available, and just want to have some temporary fun." And if you do decide to reach out, then here’s what you can say.
- Long time no talk! How’s it going?
- Well, well, well, if it isn’t [their name]. How are you?
- Weird — I was just thinking about you. What’s up?
- This is unexpected! To what do I owe the pleasure?
- Now there’s a name I haven’t seen in a while. What have you been up to, stranger?
If You Want To Give Them Some Grief
Feeling a little pissed off but don’t want to totally shut down the possibility of reconciliation? Then a playful response can help you strike the right balance. As Amy North — online dating coach and resident dating expert at LoveLearnings.com — previously pointed out, “Remember that your goal isn’t to win them back, or punish them for ghosting you.” But if you do want to acknowledge the fact that they ghosted you, then try one of these teasing texts.
- Hi there. I’m surprised to hear from you. I thought for sure you’d ghosted me.
- Hey, Casper. Where have you been for the past [however long it’s been]?
- Oh, so I guess you’re not over me after all? 😉
- New phone, who’s this? (JK. Kind of.)
- Either you temporarily lost my number or were held captive by Somali pirates, because I can’t think of any other reason why it took you this long to text me back. Hopefully it was the former.
If You Want To Call Them Out
Maybe you’re more than a little bit pissed and you want that ghoster to know it. According to North, if you’re feeling hurt and want to let that person know before you move forward, then you should calmly explain how being ghosted made you feel and “that you wish they would have been upfront about why they broke contact. If you can keep your cool, then you’ll make them rethink their actions and maybe even apologize.” Here’s how to make your feelings known.
- I’ve got to be honest — it hurt when I didn’t hear back from you. Why did it take you so long to reply to my message?
- Wish I could pretend like you didn’t just ghost me for [however long it’s been], but I can’t. Where have you been?
- Is there a reason why you’re reaching out now? It’s just been a while since I last heard from you, so I’m curious.
- Hmm. Hope you have a good excuse for why you never responded to my last message.
- TBH, I felt pretty disrespected when you ghosted me earlier, and I’m not really looking to waste my time if you’re going to do that again.
If You Want Nothing To Do With Them
Don’t want to waste your breath? Then say nothing all at. Silence speaks louder than words, after all. As Kevon Owen, relationship counselor and licensed clinical psychotherapist, told Elite Daily, “Embrace the ghost. Ghost them back and return to the relationships that value you more than to leave you.” Yes to that!
I think we can all agree that — regardless of the circumstances — being ghosted feels pretty bad. In the end, weeding out the flops will save you time you can spend on people who deserve it.
April Masini, relationship expert
Anita A. Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love
Amy North, online dating coach and resident dating expert at LoveLearnings.com
Kevon Owen, relationship counselor and licensed clinical psychotherapist
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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