To say that getting ghosted is a bummer is not exactly a hot take. But to me, the worst part of the whole thing isn't the rejection — it's feeling powerless and like I've lost control. When someone disappears from your life without warning or explanation, you’re typically left with a lot of unanswered questions. Some of my personal favorites include: What went wrong? What changed between us? And, lastly, should I text a guy who ghosted me? There are no clear-cut rules for what to text after being ghosted (or if you should at all), but if you’re in the same boat — questioning whether or not you should reach out to a Tinder match or Bumble girl who unceremoniously disappeared — there are a few things to keep in mind. While there are definitely advantages to letting the situation be, if questions about your breakup still ~haunt~ you, there are some cases when reaching out is OK. Séance, anyone?
I’ve been where you are now, wavering between the instinct to block the ghost in question and the urge to send them an accusatory, “Are you kidding me?” While the second option is probably not the best idea (unless you know you’ll never see them again, then by all means), there are more mature ways to text someone who left you on read. No one said the high road was fun.
Deciding you do, in fact, want to reach out is the first step. Choosing what to say is the slightly more complicated part. If you were the ghostee, you’re probably not sure where you stand with the ghoster. Etiquette is on your side, but you may not know the full picture. Imagine this: You send them an angry text, telling them off for disappearing. They respond with a heartfelt apology and explain that a serious family emergency came up. And even though they should have communicated that to you earlier, you’re left feeling super guilty. The alternative: You send them an overly nice text, giving them the benefit of the doubt if anything came up that made them more distant. They respond that they just weren’t that interested. Or, worse still, they double-ghost you. Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee that the person who ghosted you will reply to your follow-up text.
In any scenario, assuming too much about the person who ghosted you puts you in an awkward position. But even if you did manage to craft the perfect, neutral message, is it ever worth it to hit send? To clear things up, I reached out to the experts for their advice on texting after being ghosted. Here's what they had to say.