How To Get Over Being Ghosted When The Lack Of Closure Eats At You
One of my girlfriends once contacted every guy who ever ghosted her or didn't ask her out again after a first date. She just had to know why all these guys "rejected" her.
This seems rough, though, as you're basing your self-worth off the attention — or inattention — of complete strangers. There are no winners there. In this case, it's not the heart that's looking for approval from others; it's the ego.
If you're going to date, not everyone is going to like you, and you're not going to like everyone. Sometimes, people you've gone on a few dates with are just going to disappear. It's the nature of dating.
Not everyone is going to be your boyfriend, and the fact that they aren't your boyfriend is part of the reason they're not formally breaking up with you. There's no reason to — you're essentially strangers.
Bummer? I don't think so. It's a good lesson in not taking things personally.
And that's why ghosting isn't a huge deal. If someone doesn't want to see or talk to you again, then you shouldn't want to see or talk to them, either. It's most likely not about you. Instead, it's usually a chemistry thing, and it's time to move on to the next person who you'll have a better connection with.
But if you're still feeling bummed that you were ghosted by someone who probably didn't deserve you anyway, here are some ways to get over it quickly.
1. Don't Take It Personally
Remember — I've kind of drilled this in already — but ghosting is not about you. It's only rejection if you think that you're entitled to a relationship with everyone and that you're owed an explanation for everyone's behavior.
We don't own anyone. If someone wants to leave your life, let them — whether they provide a reason or not. Most likely, if someone is ghosting you, you didn't know them all that well anyway.
2. Dive Into Your Own Hobbies
Don't let your world revolve around romance. If your happiness is dictated by outside sources, like a guy liking you, then your joy will never be consistent or stable. People come and go, but you're stuck with yourself forever.
Plus, if you're putting all your eggs in someone else's basket, you probably haven't devoted much time to yourself in a while. Do you know what you like, or are you just concerned with other people liking you?
If you're still hung up on that guy who ghosted you, direct that attention back into yourself. Have a "me" day. Find out what you like about yourself, and cultivate that instead of someone else's attention.
3. Make A Spotify Playlist
Then, invite all of your girlfriends over for a ghosting dance party. Dress up as a ghost. Make a love song playlist. It might even be good to add "Monster Mash" to the mix to make it extra spoooooky.
There's no better way to get over a guy than to spend a little quality time with your girlfriends. Who needs a guy when you've got your best friends, too much wine, and the new Lorde album to dance wildly around your living room to?
A girl's-night-in dance party will make you forget about that bad boy and help to remind you that your BFFs are the ones who actually make you happy. So why not spend some time with them and dance off your heartbreak to some great playlists?
4. Question Why You're Bothered By It
Ask yourself why you're pining after people who clearly aren't interested in talking to you? What a waste of time!
If a guy wants to talk to you, he will talk to you. He knows where you are and how to find you. So if he likes you, he will make plans with you, and he will also want to be with you.
Don't listen to what your friends say. There are no justifications and no excuses. He isn't scared or intimidated, or this or that.
If a guy isn't contacting you, then that means he isn't looking for a relationship with you, and you should just move on. Don't try to force something that isn't meant to be.
And if you're taking it as a blow to your pride or ego, it's time to ask yourself why you do that. Do you base your self-worth on what kind of person you are, or instead, do you prioritize what you look like, how popular you are, and how many dudes like you?
If it's the latter, then you're never going to be fully satisfied with anything in life.
5. Move On
Download a dating app and start talking to other people. Realize there are more fish in the sea — or rather, "more menz on the internetz."
You've likely felt this way before, and you'll probably feel this way again. But everything will be OK. In fact, everything will be more than OK — it'll be so great!
So get talking to other guys, because they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
If you've been ghosted, don't let it (or them) haunt you. Just use these tips to get over it, and keep moving on.
Life's too short to spend wondering why that guy you went on two dates with never hit you up again.