I do a daily Snapchat series where I theorize about people and romantic relationships. Last week, I came up with a theory that there are five kinds of women in the world who all date very differently: The Serena van der Woodsen, the Jane Margolis, the Summer Finn, the Mindy Lahiri and the Olivia Pope.
We're all different kinds of women, and we can all find ourselves reflected in at least one of these fictional women.
Now, the world is not black and white. One can argue she's a mix of two of these characters, or that she doesn't fall into any of these categories at all. I'm also a firm believer in the idea that there is no such thing as the "nice" girl and the "bad girl." I believe we all have a little nice and a little evil in us.
One could also argue that each one of us cycles through each of these kinds of women, as if each woman is just a particular phase of life.
But for the sake of making a point about why some of us are happily coupled while the rest of us are unhappily single, let me show you the way. I'm a Summer. Let's see who you are:
The Serena from "Gossip Girl"
Characteristics: Highly organized, has a #squad, lives life "right" and is basically the kind of girl your mom always wanted you to be. Usually in a corporate job or some kind of leadership position. She knows herself and her ambitions well.
Aesthetic: Preppy, polished, innocent, something out of a Tommy Hilfiger catalog.
How she dates: Serial monogamist, settles down quickly, usually attracted to the "nice" guy (or the guy who has his shit together). Dates some bad boys, but learns it's not what she wants.
Who she'll end up with and when: By 25, she'll be with someone who can't out-prep her but will try his honest best to. They'll have a full-fledged family by 30, puppy, white-picket fence and all.
The Jane from "Breaking Bad"
Characteristics: Highly unorganized, the girl with the hard past, leads on to be an open book by speaking without a filter.
Aesthetic: Grungy, edgy (these two words mean different things to different Janes). All about making her style her own. The sky has no limits for the Jane.
How she dates: She's been burned one too many times, but she doesn't know how to stop the cycle and keeps going back. Habitually attracted to the "bad" boy (the guy who treats her like shit) and keeps finding herself in casual flings rather than real relationships. Dates the nice guy once, quits early on because it's not what she's used to.
Who she'll end up with and when: By 35, she'll have learned the nice guy is worth settling down with and outgrown her bad boy phase. Needs someone who will provide her with excitement. Will most likely settle down with a retired musician, painter or writer.
The Summer from "500 Days of Summer"
Characteristics: Quirky, free spirit, says one thing, but does the opposite. Unsure of who she is now, so she's trying a lot of different projects to see what sticks. Has a hard time trusting guys. Has too much in life she wants to do.
Aesthetic: Doesn't try too hard (yet somehow still always looks flawless). Bohemian-chic.
How she dates: Summers are hopeless romantics. When Summer falls, she falls hard. Often called a "tease" because she tends to lead men on with her ability to say detached. Usually friend-zones the nice guy because she's holding out for something "better," despite having feelings for him.
Who she'll end up with and when: Might never end up with anyone because she's always looking for something bigger and better. But if she does find someone, it's in her 30's.
The Mindy from "The Mindy Project"
Characteristics: Despite her ability to keep it together at work, she's a frazzled mess IRL. Eats pints of ice cream when no one's watching.
Aesthetic: Super girly. Put-together, but only because she wants to compensate for all the disorganization going on inside her head, her apartment, her romantic life... you know, pretty much everywhere.
How she dates: Dates one or two bad boys, but then falls accidentally in love with a guy who's good for her, usually while she's still messing around with a bad boy.
Who she'll end up with and when: The Danny! AKA the guy who has always had enough paternal instincts to level out the lack of her maternal instincts. After fighting feelings for each other — him fighting her propensity to turn everything into a clusterfuck and her fighting his maturity — they'll be together by their mid-30's.
The Olivia from "Scandal"
Characteristics: Hard-ass, won't take shit from anyone, more career-driven than the Mindy and Serena because she works to the point where her romantic and personal lives take a beating.
Aesthetic: Also put-together, but unlike the Mindy, she's a pantsuit kind of girl.
How she dates: Blindly. Usually attracted to men she can't have, whether it's because those men are involved with other women or because they're emotionally cut off. These men are different from fuckboys or bad boys because they're older and wiser, but still emotionally immature. They're "fuckmen," if you will.
Who she'll end up with and when: With POTUS (lol). But if not POTUS, it'll be a man who's in a high position of power because though she's powerful herself, she needs someone who matches her level of ambition and drive. Everyone else is a mere peasant.