Every bad thing that can happen in a relationship, I've been through. Emotional abuse? Check. Physical abuse? Unfortunately, also check. A guy cheating on me? Been there. All the things you should never put up with in a relationship, I'd still put up with. Why? Because no one ever really told me what I should and should not stand for.
It all comes down to self-esteem and love, really. But we're taught from such a young age that drama is equated with love, and things only seem romantic if they are hard. For example, growing up, how many times did you hear that if someone bullies you, it actually means that they secretly like you? Of course, that isn't the case.
Real love (healthy, adult, reciprocal love) is kind. It's honest, it's gentle, and it doesn't seek to hurt you. It's consistent, and doesn't leave you asking questions or feeling bad. So here are six things you should never put up with in a relationship, because they aren't love and because you deserve better.
1. Emotional Or Physical Abuse
This is without negotiation: If your partner is either emotionally or physically abusive, then you should leave your relationship immediately and without question. Sometimes, it can be hard to leave a relationship of this nature due to gaslighting, a phenomenon where your abuser can make you feel like you are deserving of or the catalyst for any anger or pain in your relationship.
This is just another form of emotional abuse. Remember, no one is ever deserving of any kind of violence, and there is help out there for you if you need it. You can go to the National Domestic Violence website, or call 1-800-799-7233 if you are in any kind of crisis or you know someone who might be. As someone who has made it out of such a relationship, there is a better future out there for you.
2. Emotions That Run Hot And Cold
I need consistency in a relationship, or I will go absolutely crazy. One day, you're smothering me with affection, and the next day, you're leaving me on read? That's a recipe for me driving by your house due to the mental breakdown that your actions have caused! I totally have no part in this!
But in all seriousness, an unpredictable partner is not a partner you should be imagining a future with. Your forever person is not someone who takes you for a romantic dinner one night and then doesn't come home for three days. They don't say they want a commitment and then go back on their word.
Relationships require stability that an inconsistent significant other can't provide. Additionally, it shows a lack of respect when someone's actions don't follow through with their words or if you never quite know what words they're going to say. You don't deserve that kind of mental turmoil in a relationship, and that kind of SO needs to grow the F up. Move on.
3. Repeated Infidelity
I believe that people can get through infidelity in a relationship. Sometimes, things happen, and people slip up. You might be going through a tumultuous time in your relationship and turn to other people for solace. Is this an ideal situation? Of course not. Is it always excusable? No. But if you happen to be married or have children, sometimes, it's worth it to try to work it out after infidelity.
But if your partner is a repeated offender, then this is not someone who is showing respect or love for you. They are being careless toward both your emotional and your physical health, and they are showing a blatant disregard for the sanctity of your relationship, assuming monogamy was a component of that.
A serial cheater does not value you as a person, and it's a great showing of self-love and self-esteem to move on from a relationship where you're being treated like an afterthought. Your heart will thank you for it.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and if you don't have that, then honestly, you have nothing. Why would you want to be with someone if you can't hold them to their word?
Typically, if you don't trust your partner, the worst version of yourself will be revealed. You will start to snoop. You'll become paranoid. You'll stalk their social media. You'll nag. Don't let the inappropriate actions of your partner cause you to act inappropriately in your relationship. Leave a lying partner instead, and hold on to your dignity.
5. Lack Of Support
I once dated a man who felt emasculated when I got a promotion at work, instead of supporting me. He didn't like that I had to commute to my job or that my hours got longer. He didn't want me socializing with my new co-workers, spending time researching for my new position, or going out to seminars in order to prepare for my new position.
A person who doesn't support you in different facets of your life is not someone who wants the best for you. They are either someone who wants to suffocate you, possess you, or compete with you — and that's not a healthy relationship.
Think about it. You want the best for your partner, right? You want them to be happy and to succeed? Because their successes are your success, and their happiness is your happiness. You're a team. If your partner doesn't reciprocate that kind of mentality, then chuck them to the curb. You deserve to be supported in all of your endeavors (within reason).
6. No Attraction
If you have all the components of a healthy relationship, but you aren't attracted to your partner, then sorry, but what you're working with is a friendship.
Sometimes, really great relationships end up turning into partnerships that just lack lust. You become roommates, business partners, or best pals. It's kind of the best way to have a relationship bite the dust — respectful and drama free.
If you're not horny for your partner anymore, and you don't think you're going to get it back, then you should probably move on. Let's face it: Sex is important, especially when it comes to keeping your attention and attraction going for the long haul.
So if notice any of these signs in your relationship, then it might be time to move on. And remember, there is help for you if you need it for any reason. You'll never regret setting a boundary or ending a relationship and spending time alone until you find someone else who truly loves and respects you. You deserve it, and your heart, body, and mind will thank you for it.
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