Everyone has a story about their first time. Maybe it was in their parents' basement, on a soccer field, or in a drugstore parking lot. I feel like I weirdly know where and when my female friends first did it, but I don't necessarily know what they actually thought about having sex for the first time.
After all of the anticipation (I was 18), I remember thinking, "Ouch, this feels like the opposite of an orgasm. Will it always hurt this much, and why does there have to be bleeding?" Losing your virginity is never the ponies-and-rainbows experience that society would have you believe it might be.
I went to the source, or plural sources — also known and Reddit and my friends — to find out what real women actually thought about sex after their first time. Here's what they had to say:
"That hurt," as confirmed by every woman ever.
Same here, girl.
"That's a lot of blood," as confirmed by my friend.
"I thought, 'holy fuck, thats a lot of blood, is that normal?'... also definitely thought, 'will this hurt forever?'...and 'maybe breath work would help'....and 'why am i on the washer/dryer?'"
My friend's experience sounds a lot like mine, minus the washer/dryer and the brilliant brainstorming about breath work. (This friend is based in California.)
"That might feel better in a bed?"
Hilariously, with experience, all you want is to do it outside of a bed.
"That was it? Really?"
This woman would've been more thrilled by Netflix.
And this woman would have been more thrilled by a long jog.
"That was disappointing."
"Pretty sure i thought 'ow'... and wondered why people like it so much."
My friend hit the nail on the head. Like, I finally joined this club, so why isn't it a better club?
"Isn't a vibrator just as good?"
This woman waited so long and alas, wished she married her toys instead.
"That was a fail."
Experience is everything.
"That was everything."
Well aren't you a lucky lady — or are you a dude?
"That was hot."
I guess some women really are #blessed.
"That was amazing because of my partner."
A lot of women on the Reddit expressed that while there was still a sting, having a connection with their partner really helped. (It didn't help me, but my virginity-taker was also, um, sizable.)
I lost my virginity the summer before my third year in college and most of my friends already had, so I think my thought was 'FINALLY! I can't wait to tell my friends.' It was more like I felt I was finally a part of the adult club and excited to be able to swap stories with my friends. The guy I lost it to was just a guy I'd been hooking up with, so there were no fireworks, but it was fun enough.
This is my very honest friend who waited, and clearly had a better and more mature experience for doing so.
"That was confusing."
That's the realest reply that I read by far.
Yes, all women are different. Some will have bomb sex the first time that's exactly like the movies, while others will writhe in pain due to where their cervix is placed. (Hi, that's me.) Overall, I think the myth of the perfect virginity loss leads to a lot of underwhelming sex.
Women are taught how to not get pregnant before they even have their periods, but they are barely told how sex should feel or what it means to experience sexual pleasure as a woman. Every preteen knows what balls are, but not all preteens know what a clitoris is.
Maybe if we all were more open about what the first time actually feels like, we'd all have better first times. If I have a daughter, the poor girl is going to have to hear way too many details from me about what to expect, but I think she'll be better off for it.
One silver lining to all this sex talk? Reflecting on your first time will make you grateful that you're old for once in your life.
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