This Is What You Need To Consider Before Telling Your Partner You're A Virgin
Losing your virginity in your late 20s can be one of the most exciting and equally stressful experiences.
On one hand, you are totally inexperienced from the physical aspect. On the other hand, you may have been totally in love with someone, yet you couldn't bring yourself to "do it."
Speaking of doing it, your virginity is no different than your first big paycheck after landing your dream job. In other words, you have to decide how to get rid of it and make it worth it. Before you decide to get rid of it, why did you keep it for so long in the first place?
As a virgin, it is your responsibility to mention your chastity to any potential partners. When I use the word "partner," it doesn't mean you mention your "little secret" on every first date. It means that if you can actually see yourself tagging him or her in a relationship on Facebook, then you will have to bring it up before anything goes down. Furthermore, prior to discussing your purity with others, you have to be able to figure it out for yourself.
No matter how long it takes, make sure you can actually get to the bottom of your own feelings. Unlike your late teens, when you thought you were deep in love and let it happen after prom or your 18th birthday, your 20s came with a better sense of self and maturity. This means you have to take your time, especially when it comes to any sacrifices or decisions that involve your emotions.
Being upfront with this partner will save you from awkward moments where you have to explain why you're not ready to take your pants off after making out and playing around for an hour.
Taking the time to discuss your sexual experiences, as well as your wants, needs, desires and past partners is vital. You should also include reasons you wouldn't give them your virginity in this conversation. He or she has the right to know, and they have the right to say no. I know its awkward and probably embarrassing, but it needs to be done. Everyone needs to have a clear understanding of the circumstances.
For every person who views the loss of their virginity as long overdue, there's another person who fears letting it go because they might fall in love with someone who doesn't share mutual feelings.
For those of you who shop around for potential mates on dating websites, there are tons of people who opt for staying in tact (so to speak) until marriage out of fear that they may throw their innocence into the wrong hands. And since they saved it for this long, they might as well hold on to it.
Whether you're looking for love online or you've decided to seriously date with the prospect of losing your virginity, you have to be able to answer the four things:
1. Are you ready to give yourself away?
2. Are you hoping this person is "the one?"
3. Are you prepared to move on if this relationship doesn't work out?
4. Are you prepared for them to take your innocence and disappear without a trace?
Now, don't get me wrong. You may tell this person about your current status, and they just might pick up and run. This could happen for one of two reasons.
For one, they view your virginity as a responsibility, and they simply can't deal with that. They refuse to be the "bad guy" if the two of you parted ways with your virginity on their conscience.
The other reason revolves around the fact that they're not willing to wait. They literally want it, and they want it now. This is because they can't move forward (emotionally) until they've sampled everything you have to offer. For them, good sexual experiences are apart of the relationship checklist.
Keep in mind that you haven't met your sexual alter ego, and neither has anyone else. Your sexual compatibility with others is partially dependent upon how comfortable you are with your sexual side, so you have to allow yourself to actual be comfortable with your sexual side. Hopefully, you and this person you've chosen to lose it to are sexually compatible. And if not, you both should at least be willing to experiment and try things out until each of you is pleased. It's a slow game of gratification, and sometimes that gratification doesn't come. But it's important to try.
Believe it or not, every chapter of your relationship requires a middle ground. This includes sex. Whether you're as pure as the snow or a raving sex addict, being truthful from the beginning is the best way to go. An open dialogue allows everyone to grow and accept each other. You will never know if the person you choose to date is really interested until you swap imperfections and the deep details.
Who knows, maybe they'll wait until you're ready or make you feel comfortable enough to let yourself go. They may be the person to do the trick, however, you have to be able to answer the ultimate question about making the big step, especially if they choose to hang in there for the long haul.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of Elite Daily.