The 22-Year-Old Virgin: How I Stayed Committed To Myself During College


I am 22, and I am still a virgin. Yes, you read that correctly.

There are 11 girls in my immediate friend group, and I am the only one who hasn’t lost her virginity.

Five months ago, this was not the case. Three of my friends, along with myself, were virgins when our senior year of college began. Five months later, I am the only one left.

I have had multiple opportunities where I could have lost my virginity, but it wasn’t the right time for me in any of those moments. There have been times when I have really wanted to have sex, but my mind told me not to. People say your heart takes over your mind in these types of situations, but I'm thankful my mind took precedence in those moments.

When I started college, I told myself I wasn’t going to have sex until I was in a committed relationship. This promise to myself is why I am approaching the end of my senior year as a virgin. Even though the hook-up culture is the dominant “dating” culture at universities these days, I have somehow found a way to separate myself from it.

Now, I know what you’re probably wondering: How do I feel about being the only virgin in my friend group? It’s hard to say.

Part of me feels like I’m missing out on part of the college experience of indulging into the oh-so normal hook-up culture, but the other part of me is proud I have not conformed to this culture and had sex with a guy just because everyone around me was having sex.

One of my friends asked me not long ago if I felt weird being the only virgin left in the friend circle. I don’t get uncomfortable very often, but in that moment, I was slightly uncomfortable.

How do you even respond to that? Do I say, “Well, duh. But, I want to be able to say that I love someone enough to have sex with him?"

Or do I say, “No, of course not. I want to be with the right person when I have sex for the first time, and I am confident in my decision to wait to have sex?" I responded with the latter.

When other people my age happen to find out I am a virgin, they are almost always shocked to hear it. In particular, guys (mainly ones I have just met) say they don’t believe me, but I reassure them that I am indeed a virgin. I guess I understand why guys are surprised to hear that because that’s just how our society is these days.

I get all the typical responses from guys like, “You cannot be serious,” "But, you’re so beautiful” and “How is that possible?” I do have a theory to potentially explain why guys respond this way. When I go out to parties and bars on the weekends, I am extremely flirtatious, especially once I have a few drinks in me.

Well, to be frank, I can be flirty at any given moment if I want to be, so this could absolutely be one reason why people are so shocked when they learn about my sex life. If you ask any of my close friends about my nights out, they would admit I am a bit of a make-out whore. By make-out whore, I mean I have made out with a lot of guys during my college career.

Kissing people is fun. Kissing is harmless. Kissing is innocent.

Sex isn’t. I have heard from others that sex is fun, but sex is not so harmless or innocent. Sex is a commitment; it's a commitment I haven’t been willing to make yet.

Even though I am 22, I am not ready to have sex, and I am not embarrassed or ashamed to say so. When I've been in situations where having sex was a possibility, I knew in my heart and in my mind I was not ready.

As much as I wanted to tell myself I was ready, I knew deep down that I wasn’t. I also didn’t want to wake up in the morning with regret.

I don’t believe people should regret the decisions they make because at that instant in time, that’s what you wanted. When the day comes that I do lose my virginity, I want to be 100 percent certain I am ready to commit. I'll know I'm ready when the thought of regret doesn’t even cross my mind.

For now, I am a 22-year-old virgin, and I couldn’t be happier.