Sometimes, we find ourselves head over heels with someone before we even realize what happened. Then, when we stop to look up, it feels like we're chasing the dream of them and they're chasing... well, something else. It can stink to feel like your partner doesn't care about your relationship. But if you're looking for signs they're not interested in the relationship anymore, your relationship might already, unfortunately, be on the fritz.
If you're worried, look no further. I spoke to some experts on the matter and found out some good ways you can tell if your partner is less interested in the relationship than you are.
Here are some signs that they just aren't that into it, and it may be time to call it quits:
1. You Make All The Plans
If you feel like you are the one constantly making plans and chasing down your partner to be involved in them, this is one clue they are less interested in the relationship than you are.
Fran Greene, Flirting, Dating and Relationship Coach and author of Dating Again With Courage And Confidence, says you shouldn't feel like you are putting in tons of effort while your partner makes none.
In a healthy, loving relationship, two parties are equally excited to do things together. Sure, one may be the Type A personality who likes everything organized (this is me) and one may be a little more relaxed and spontaneous (this is my husband), but both parties should be making things happen that they want to do together.
If it's all you finding fun stuff for the two of you to do as a couple, and then it's all you hunting down your partner and making sure they are going to be there, that's a sure sign your relationship might not be cut out for the long haul.
You shouldn't have to drag someone into your plans when you're in a relationship with them. They should be just as interested as you are.
2. They Don't Talk About The Future
A hallmark sign that someone might not be as interested in the relationship as you are is if they choose not to bring up the future at all. And if, when you bring up the future, they change the subject.
If you're having a great time in your relationship and feeling like you might really have found your fit, it's natural to start thinking about and daydreaming about the future. You don't necessarily have to rush into anything, but feeling like you'd like to imagine your life with them isn't nuts.
If your partner isn't as interested in the relationship in general, however, they'll certainly also not be as interested in building a future with you.
Greene says they may not just avoid talking about the future, they may actively try to get away from it:
Say you meet this great guy. You tell him you've never been happier — and then he stops calling. When you ask him what happened, he says he wants to slow things down and then things start getting better again. You're thrilled — and then he tells you he's feeling pressured. If you're looking for something long-term, it won't be with this guy.
If this sounds like the pattern in your relationship, let them go and make space in your life for someone who is excited about a future with you.
3. They Haven't Introduced You To People In Their Life
If you've introduced your partner to your mom, your dad, your best friend, your dog, and everyone else you can think of, and they have suspiciously not brought you around anyone important to them, you might be barking up the wrong relationship tree.
Just like it's pretty natural to start thinking about the future when you're with someone you really like, it's also natural to see if they fit into your life. Part of this process is introducing them to people who are important to you. You're likely doing this both to see if those people like your new partner and if your partner will work well as an addition to your life.
If your partner isn't doing this, it means they're not imagining the same future you are and you'd be better off ending things before it gets deeper into an unbalanced relationship.
Greene agrees, saying, "If your guy is genuinely interested in you, he'll want everyone to meet you. If none of this is happening after your relationship becomes exclusive, it's time to find out what the deal is."
4. They Don't Take Any Interest In Your Life
When you're with someone you really care about, you'll want to clue yourself in on all of the things that are important to them.
My husband played rugby for several years of his life, and still likes to do so every week with a fun pick-up team. Before I met him, I had no idea that you could score a "try" and I had never even seen the giant rock they call a rugby ball. But now, I've seen him play, I've learned about it, and I encourage him to do the thing he loves.
And he's learned about me.
If someone you're with isn't as interested in a relationship as you are, though, you'll soon realize that even though you know a lot about them, they can barely name your favorite color. And you'll be disappointed to find that they really aren't too keen on getting to know that much more about you.
It stinks, but you'll be happier if you let someone like this go. You're meant to be with someone who can't stop obsessing over every detail of you, not someone who doesn't even care what you like to do for fun.
5. They Don't Try To Fix Problems
If you find that you're the one always wanting to talk and fix the things that are wrong in your relationship, this is a sign your partner just isn't as interested in the relationship as you.
It definitely sucks trying to sit down and have "adult" conversations about things that may be going wrong. That said, it's also a necessity. There's no way to grow and move forward in relationships unless you work out the thing you need to work out.
Nina Rubin, a life coach with a focus on relationships, says in a relationship with someone who is less interested in you than you are in them, you'll feel like you are constantly pulling the other person into it: "You initiate conversations and plans more often, and are disappointed that he's not more participatory."
Someone who's truly interested in actually growing and moving forward will recognize that fixing problems is sometimes what's needed to do exactly that. They won't shy away from the hard conversations and instead, they'll embrace them as a way to get stronger.
If your partner doesn't make you feel this way, it's not worth it for you to keep pursuing. It takes two to tango, and sometimes "tango" means "build a relationship." You can't do it alone.
6. You Don't Feel Special
Finally, if you don't feel like you're someone really special to your partner, then unfortunately, you probably aren't.
In the right relationship, you'll really feel like you're the only girl in the world (Rihanna was right about this one). In the right relationship, your partner will remind you every single day how special and wonderful you are, and they'll show you this through their actions. They'll make time for you, they'll be there, and they'll take an interest in everything that you love.
Greene says in a relationship with someone who's just not that interested, there will be an excuse for everything: "You need his help with your computer, or you ask him to go to a friend's birthday party, or you want to go on a weekend getaway together. The answer is always the same, 'So sorry, I just can't because...'"
Rubin agrees, saying a guy like this will be vague and not include you in anything in his life. "He makes lots of excuses about how busy he is," she says. "In other words, he doesn't make time for you."
If you constantly feel like you are playing second-fiddle to your partner's job or friends or family, then they just aren't right for you. If you haven't felt special and instead you feel like you are always trying to run them down to actually care about the relationship, it's better to let them go.
Soon, you actually will find the person that will make you feel like you're the only girl in the world.
It's not a good feeling to feel like you're more interested in a relationship than the person you're with. That said, there are certain signs that can help you figure out if it's worth it. If you recognize yourself in any of the things listed here, better to call it quits and find someone who cares about you like you care about them.