How To Know If You Boyfriend Wants A Future With You
Are you dating the guy that you're going to end up with forever?
If you think you're ready to confidently label him as "The One," it can be rather nerve-wracking to figure out if he'd put you in the same category. While you may be sure how you feel, how can you tell if he sees a future with you, too?
While you might be totally convinced he's the guy for you, you're apprehensive to have the discussion about whether things are going in the right direction, or if he's essentially just using you until someone "better" comes along.
But don't overthink it.
Krissy Dolor, Director of Client Success at eFlirt Expert, says there's no "foolproof" way to tell whether or not a guy sees a future with you. That being said, there are a few tell-tale signs that could help you assess your dating situation.
Here are a few of the things you can ask yourself to help figure out whether you and "The One" truly have a future together.
Does he incorporate you into his life?
If he is making an effort to fit you into his daily routines (and fold himself into yours), there's probably long-term potential there.
Marriage therapist Nicole Richardson says it's important to notice exactly how your man incorporates you into his life (or if he does at all).
"When someone sees a future with you, they include you in their day to day experiences," says Richardson. "Does he introduce you to his friends? Have you met his family? Do you see him trying to incorporate you into his life?"
When two people come together in a relationship, they should each be assessing how the other will work with their lifestyle in the long-term scenario.
"A guy who sees a future with you will want to introduce you to his social circle," says Dolor. "Whether it's bringing you out to meet the guys at his longstanding happy hour on Thursdays, or asking if you're around to meet his family when they're in town over the weekend, a guy who wants you in his life will be sure to include you in activities that involve the people he surrounds himself with."
He'll want to see how you would mesh with those already in his life.
Consider it a very good sign if he's actively trying to have you participate in his plans with family and friends.
Does he speak about a future with you?
If he's serious, he'll talk about it. Therefore, you'll likely know it before you have to ask.
"A guy who sees something long term will talk about making future plans -- even insignificant ones," says Dolor. "For example, you guys might have missed a festival in town that you both wanted to go to. If he says that you two should put the dates in your calendars for next year so you can plan it out better, that shows he's committed."
That makes sense, but so does the opposite: If he's distant, doesn't make plans, and doesn't bother to touch base about doing things in the future, he's probably not planning one with you.
It'll be clear about what he's looking for just from the way he acts and speaks.
"If a man tells you that he doesn't want a commitment, listen," says Richardson. "A mistake a lot of women make is not listening when a man tells them that he doesn't want a relationship. If he tells you he doesn't want a relationship, it is not your job to convince him that he does. In fact, it's disrespectful, take him at his word. If you want one, tell him that then start seeing other people.
In other words, pay attention to what he says. It'll help you figure out where you stand, either way.
Does he only ask to hang out for a hookup?
Though it can be hard to tell, you should make sure you aren't just a seasonal fling to him.
Make sure a really passionate sex life isn't all there is to your relationship. If you like to fool around just as much as he does, but want to be more than just a toy to him, ask yourself whether he comes around for more.
"If you two have a relatively regular texting schedule throughout the day or evening (like after you're out of the office), that's great," says Dolor. "It shows he's thinking of you and invested in keeping the conversation going. If your guy tends to only reach out super later at night or only on the weekends between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. asking, 'What's up?' or Are you free right now,' he may be seeing your relationship as more of a physical one ... or keeping you on the backburner as an option."
If you are interested in more than just the sexual aspect of things while he's clearly not, it might be time to move on.
"Someone who sees a future with you will want to engage in conversations - and more importantly, hang out - during the day or evening when he can show you off, not just under the covers," says Dolor.
If he's only asking to hang out at weird times, you may not be fitting into his future like you want. "The One" will be interested in more than just good sex.
Intellect, kindness, and a common view of the future are just some of the other things you should be looking for.
Do you things feel right between you two?
At the end of the day, that old cliche is true: When you know, you know. Your gut will let you know whether this guy is the one for you.
"If you have to ask, chances are more likely that he's not moving forward at the pace you'd like to see for your future," says Jacqueline Nichols, owner of City Girl Matchmaking. "You'll have to decide if you want to keep waiting to see what's possible."
A lot of this decision comes from knowing yourself and knowing what you want. If you aren't happy, figure out if it's worth it to stay around.
"If you [aren't] getting what you want from the relationship, do something about it," says Richardson."If you can talk about it and get what you need, great. If you discuss it and things don't change, make a move."
If you don't feel like it's right deep down, consider that a red flag. If you're in the midst of finding "The One," this could be a good time to decide if spending any more time with this guy is even worth it. If you don't feel like the two of you are headed in the same direction, it may be time to go your own way.
Now, if you truly think this guy is the man of your dreams, that's just an innate feeling you'll experience. You'll know if your future together looks bright, and if you feel like you have a true partnership.
There's no "one size fits all" formula for figuring out whether someone is "The One." Use your best judgment, ask yourself these questions, and let your heart tell you what you need to do.