Chances are, you haven’t seen the last of them.
So out of nowhere, just when things seemed to be going well, you were ghosted. Wondering if the person who ghosted you will come back? It's possible. My theory on people who have dumped you is that they always seem to force themselves back into your life eventually, right? So yeah, that person who ghosted you? Chances are, it’s not the last you’ve seen of them, either. And there are several ways they will try to wiggle their way back in. They might send you an out-of-the-blue text, ask mutual friends about you, or — the most popular — keep tabs on you online.
Why do ghosters always come back? In my humble opinion, someone who continues to like your social media still has an interest in how you are and what you're doing, and most importantly, they're probably liking those selfies you put up because they still find you attractive. Don't be surprised if you get a text from an ex who ghosted you after you post a thirst trap. But social media isn't the only sign that a ghoster might be planning their grand return. If you’re wondering do ghosters come back — the answer is yes. And, if you want to know how long until a ghoster comes back into your life, here are five signs that it could be soon, according to dating experts.
1. They Ask Your Mutual Friends About You
I once matched with someone on Bumble, and then, they ghosted me before we ever went on a date. Then, a few weeks later, they started asking our mutual friend if they had made a big mistake by not pursuing me. They even went so far as to tell my friend I looked like I would be a good kisser.
Would she even know if I was a good kisser? She wouldn't. But clearly, this person who ghosted me was trying to revive our relationship, which had never even started in the first place.
"No matter how insignificant the question is, it's a definite sign that you're on his radar, and don't be surprised if you hear from him," says Fran Greene, LCSW, The Flirting, Dating, and Relationship Coach, and author of Dating Again with Courage and Confidence and The Flirting Bible. Now, it's just your decision whether or not it's your turn to do the ghosting.
2. They’re Very Active On Your Social Media
If someone ghosted you but is suddenly all over your social media, that is a telltale sign they’re not entirely over you. Social media activity is a much more risk-free way to express interest, which may be the reason why they never seem to miss one of your Instagram stories. As breakup and recovery coach Cherlyn Chong previously told Elite Daily, if someone likes you, “They'll start commenting or liking your pictures and continue doing so over a number of days. The comments will usually be worded in a way to get a response out of you. Kind of like innocent flirting.”
Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, agrees. “Renewed interest in the things that you do indicates that they have an agenda, and if they keep this up for days, it's a clear sign of interest,” she previously told Elite Daily. “[This is especially true] if previously they were quite reserved about making comments on IG feeds or liking your pics, but suddenly they're all over your channels, making positive comments or adding hearts or emojis. This can be an indication that they want your attention.”
3. They Give You An Unexpected Gift
My ex-boyfriend from three years ago just sent me one dollar on Venmo. Does that count?
"Out of the blue you get flowers, a book that you said you wanted to read, or the jar of your favorite organic almond butter," Greene explains. "This guy is crawling back to you and hopes you will give him the time of day. If you want to see him again, say something like, 'Aww that was so sweet of you, it would be great to reconnect.'"
While I don't think I'm going to take back Venmo guy, it's totally up to you if you want to even consider giving the person who ghosted you a second chance.
4. They Send You An Apologetic Text
Greene says that this type of ghoster will "send you a text that ... might look like this: 'I've been thinking about you,' 'You've been on my mind,' 'Sorry for disappearing on you,' or 'I'd like to explain why I stopped calling you.'"
If the person who ghosted you texts you looking for redemption, you might consider hearing them out. Maybe they had a reason for not being available the first time around, or they want to justify and apologize for their actions. If you think the door isn't closed on this relationship yet, give it another chance. But if you're totally sick of their antics and done playing games, then maybe it’s time to put an end to this relationship once and for all.
5. They Call You And Actually Leave You A Message
In this day and age, is there anything scarier than a voicemail? Seriously, they could actually make a whole horror movie about them. But the one thing scarier than getting an actual phone call from someone is getting an actual phone call from someone who ghosted you.
Green explains, "As archaic as this sounds, [if] Mr. Ghoster 'picks' up the phone, calls you, and leaves you a message that says, 'I'm sorry, can we talk?' this guy DEFINITELY is coming back if you let him."
Calling someone on the phone does require a certain amount of effort and courage (the bar is set pretty low these days), so if a person is picking up the phone after ghosting you, they are probably humbling themselves a little bit. But before you reconnect, make sure their reason for reaching out is authentic and pure. Are they just bored? Are they on a long drive and need someone to talk to so they don't fall asleep? Have all of their other options faded out, and now, they're looking to reconnect with you?
Before you let that person who ghosted you back into your life, make sure they're worth it. When a person cares about you, they don't ghost. And you deserve someone who thinks the world of you, right?
Fran Greene: relationship expert
Cherlyn Chong: breakup recovery and dating coach
Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach
Additional reporting by Awo Jama.
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