Keep Calm And Ask A Gay
Congratulations! You just got yourself a gay best friend.
If you've ever found yourself unsure of where to turn in times of sexual strife, or if you're just curious about the LGBT scene in general but don't have anyone to ask, you're in luck.
If you have a question for me, send it over to firstname.lastname@example.org.
How do I not come off thirsty to a girl I really like when I'm honestly THE MOST thirsty right now? What's your advice for playing it cool? — Terri, 23, bisexual
Of all the newly crafted dating lingo out there, "thirsty" is a term I have such a love-hate relationship with.
I totally get it. You're thirsty. You're parched. You're looking for something to scratch that itch, or more formally, quench that "thirst."
I understand its meaning, but that doesn't mean I stand behind the justification of using it.
You see, Terri, I have a feeling you and I are very alike. You have genuine interest in someone but, because society has come to deem interest as forcefulness and aggression, you're afraid of showing this person that you like them. You're trying to play it cool when in reality, I'm sure you're already playing it cool and just psyching yourself out.
I'm exactly the same.
Whenever I like someone, I like to be direct. I like to leave all my cards on the table so you know, off the bat, how I feel. It doesn't mean I'm desperate, it just means I desire you.
Shouldn't I want to show you that?
In your situation, I think you should just go about doing whatever it is you're doing and just forget playing it cool. Playing games gets exhausting. Live your life and be your best self.
The only way I would tell you to dial it back is if you sent me this question while outside her house, holding a boombox above your head playing retro love songs of the '70s.
That, or you're under her bed. Now, that'd just be weird. Throw yourself in an ice bath, because you definitely need to calm down in that case.
If that isn't the case, then continue doing you. Don't force yourself to dial back on your interest to not come off as thirsty. Frankly, I don't think you're thirsty, you just want to get to know this girl.
They should be flattered.
I posted a shirtless photo on my Tinder that I'm contemplating removing. I don't want to, but it's giving people the wrong idea. I work hard to get in shape and I feel like I should be able to show my body off. Do you think there's a way to keep the photo up without getting slut shamed by guys who match with me? — John, 24, gay
I think it's fair to say that no one's more judgmental of the gay community than the actual gays in the gay community.
As much as we love and support one another, we're the first to throw shade, give serious side eye and talk shit about someone who could be mere inches away.
If you haven't been exposed this type of treatment in your everyday life, bless your heart. It's a whole other world when it comes to online dating (and in this case, Tinder).
It only takes one photo or one comment to set a gay off for no reason.
For this situation, it was your shirtless photo.
I'm not sure how it's being construed, if guys are shaming you for using the allure of your abs or if you're receiving a sudden influx of dick pics, but that doesn't matter.
Let's get real: These guys are just jealous.
While these guys are rolling your eyes at your chiseled six pack, they're swiping right. They're envious and need to bring you down a little, since they know their average bodies are at a disadvantage.
A weird tactic to show they're interested, I know, but it just shows how many people online are insecure.
And their insecurities shouldn't have you altering how you want to portray yourself, either.
If you're proud of how your body looks, and you want to show it off, go for it. It doesn't sound like all your photos are of you sweaty and half-naked, so I don't think you're giving the wrong impression at all.
If a guy can't seem handle that, you know where that "unmatch" button is.