We're All Great At Oral: 7 Myths About Lesbian Sex, Debunked By A Lesbian

"My boyfriend does not know how to go down on me AT ALL,"  said my friend Lola*. "He just sticks his massive face in between my legs and devours my vagina like it's a jelly goddamn donut. It's not even remotely enjoyable."

"Don't even get me started. My boyfriend won't go down on me unless he's blackout drunk," my other friend Suzie* quipped. "He fell asleep down there last weekend, the stupid fuck."

We were at lunch, and my two friends were complaining about their boyfriends and how much they suck at giving oral sex.

"Zara, I hate you. You're, like, so lucky to be a lesbian," Lola said, gazing at me with her icy blue eyes.

Are you kidding me? I thought. My people are harassed, repressed, kicked out of their homes and are having to fight the government for their basic human rights, constantly. Remind me again how that's lucky?

"Your sex life must be totally amazing," Suzie said, dreamily. "Women just know what they're doing. You're all oral sex experts."

And suddenly, I realized, Holy shit, people have weird ideas about lesbian sex. Like really, really, REALLY weird ideas about lesbian sex.

I don't know if it's because of all the salacious lesbian porn streaming across the internet, or if it's because we lesbians are generally elusive and private about our sex lives.

I don't know if it's because we're so fetishized by the culture, or if my straight friends just happen to have really lackluster sex lives and project their wildest fantasies onto lesbians.

But I started asking every straight person I encountered about what they thought lesbian sex was like. And honey, it doesn't take much to shock me, but I was genuinely shocked about the myths surrounding lesbian sex.

I was moved I even wrote a piece about it. Only there were so many strange myths surrounding lesbian sex, I had to turn them into two separate articles.

So, here are 7 (more) myths about lesbian sex, debunked by yours truly.

1. We're ALL experts at oral sex.

Apparently, a lot of you think we're all fearless rockstars when it comes to the art of oral sex.

Well, listen up, girls and boys. I might be a fearless rockstar with oral sex, but not every lesbian has been blessed with a tongue like mine.

Here is the thing that everyone — including some lesbians — tend to forget: All women's bodies are built extremely different from one another. We all have different trigger spots and sensitive little areas that are unique to us.

I might love having three fingers shoved inside of me, meanwhile you might not enjoy penetration at all. I might like circular motions from your tongue, but you might prefer side-to-side action from my tongue. I might enjoy subtle tongue on my clit, but you might enjoy a heavy tongue on your clit.

See where I'm going?

We all have different trigger spots and sensitive little areas that are unique to us.

I've been with women who have recklessly devoured my vagina and were completely blind to the clues my body sent them. I've been with women who were with the same partner for so long, they couldn't fathom that I didn't like it exactly how their ex did.

I've been with women who were drunk and fell asleep while going down on me, too. In fact, I once drunkenly fell asleep while going down on my girlfriend.

See, we're a mess! Just like you straight people.

However, most of the time, women are pretty damn talented at oral sex. We're just NOT ALL super talented at oral sex.

2. If you have long hair, you're a "pillow princess."

A pillow princess is a person who lays flat on the bed and lets your partner do all the hard work. Which is definitely not my style. (Feel free to ask all of my sex partners, babe).

But this doesn't stop people from thinking it is.

"You're a pillow princess, huh?" a gay boy purred once.

"Uh, why would you say that?" I bit back, irritated.

"Because you have long hair and long eyelashes."

Really, dude? Because I have long hair (which is basically 90 percent hair extensions, BTW), I'm some kind of fair maiden who lays back and lets my girlfriend have her way with me? That's just stupid.

No. In fact, I'm a surefire top half the time, thankyouverymuch. I can be soft and submissive in bed, but I can also be really aggressive and dominating, too. My hair (and lashes) do not mean I'm a lazy lover.

In fact, some of the biggest "pillow princesses" I've ever been with have been girls with short hair and even shorter eyelashes. So let's debunk that stupid rumor, shall we?

3. If you're a femme girl, you only date butch girls and vice versa.

Turns out, there are some people who think that long-lashed, femme girls only date hardcore, butch girls and vice versa.

Look babes, I know it's hard for some to wrap their brains around this concept, but there doesn't always have to be a "guy" in a relationship.

Actually, there's never a "guy" in the relationship because we're all women, regardless of how we dress.

Some long-haired girls date other long-haired girls. And some girls with long hair are more far more masculine than their short-haired, pixie girlfriends. And, there are some beautiful butches who are attracted to other beautiful butches.

There are no hard and fast rules. Style and sexual attraction are two very different things.

Style and sexual attraction are two very different things.

I can't tell you how many times people assumed that because I'm really girly-looking, I only date women who are opposite of me. Well, sometimes I do date women on the butch end of the spectrum. But, I also date women on the femme end of the spectrum.

Bottom line: I don't discriminate. As long as you're female, sexy and can make me laugh, you're fair game, babes.

4. It's not sex unless you use a strap-on.

Now, the definition of lesbian sex is confusing.

When I was a baby dyke, fresh on the scene, and my lesbo friends would ask me if I had "sex" with the girl I was dating, I wouldn't even know how to answer.

What the hell was lesbian sex? I googled it and googled it, but never got a solid answer.

Finally, I realized every lesbian has her own unique definition of sex. Some lesbians think it's oral. Others think it's when a strap-on is involved. For some, it's just passionate love-making, babes.

Personally, I think it's every time an orgasm is involved. There are no strict rules as to what lesbian sex is. And it's definitely not in our secret-lesbian-mystical dictionary that it only happens with a strap-on.

5. Our sex is emotional and NOT kinky.

Sadly, our lovemaking does not (usually) consist of us passionately making love and weeping into each other's arms, shouting "I FEEL SO CONNECTED TO YOU!"

I mean, did you see that recent SNL skit about the lesbians on Fire Island? In one scene, it showed a woman holding another woman in bed, screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO SEE ME!"

People don't take seem to female desire very seriously in general. Society teaches us at an early age that girls are emotional about sex, and men just want to get it on. And the media perpetuates these misconceptions.

But there actually happens to be a big kink scene in our community.

I've met far more women who are open to trying BDSM, bondage and role-play than men. I think it's because women have an inherent respect for each other; it liberates our sexuality and makes us feel free to explore all the weird, freaky, ~HOT~ things we desire.

6. We all LOVE penetration.

I happen to love penetration, but I've dated women who hate it.

Some lesbians aren't comfortable with penetration. In fact, a lot of women, gay or straight, can't physically have an orgasm from their G-spot in general!

Penetration is definitely not necessary for having mind-blowing sex. A clit on clit orgasm is pretty fucking intense, just saying. In fact, clit on clit orgasms are my favorite, and can happen from scissoring or just rubbing clits together.

If a girl isn't really into having fingers (or a dildo) inside of her, that's all good, babe. And if she does like it (like me), that's all good, too.

Ahhh, there are so many options when it comes to lesbian sex. Thank you JESUS for making me gay.


7. If you love a strap-on, that means you, like, really crave dick!

First of all, my strap-on happens to be petal pink with pale blue detailing. Those veiny, realistic-looking dildos sort of freak me out.

Repeat after me: A dildo isn't a dick.

But, I do know a lot of lesbian couples that really enjoy the old-fashioned, fleshy dildo, and it doesn't mean they crave a real dick (gag).

Repeat after me: A dildo isn't a dick. A dildo isn't a dick. A dildo isn't a dick.

And BTW, a strap-on dildo is also worn by a woman, who we all know isn't the same thing as a man.

Listen, honey, I've been to a lot of therapy. I have a lot of deeply rooted issues, but the fact that I like to have sex with women who wear strap-ons doesn't mean anything.

Except that I'm a sexually-charged lesbian who likes her toys and enjoys penetration with a hot woman.