I was once having drunken reverse cowgirl sex when I toppled over off the bed and took the lamp on my side table with me. As both myself and the on-sale IKEA lamp crashed to the ground, I thought, this will be funny at brunch tomorrow. Because to me, all sex positions are fun sex positions — especially the position that involves dragging a lamp off the bed while you're on top of some guy you hardly know. (College, amirite?)
There are all kinds of different sex. There's losing your virginity sex. There's romantic sex. There's rough sex. There's breakup sex. There's makeup sex. And I guess some sex is intentionally meant to be, well, funny. From what I've *air quotes* researched, though, most sex of this nature is for the pleasure of the man, as "funny" sex usually involves a man doing something really strange and bizarre to a woman, and then laughing about it either during the act or to his friends later. LOL! Sounds like a riot.
But anyway, here are some sex positions you definitely can't do without laughing, because sex should be fun and lighthearted anyway, right? We should all be laughing at each other during sex. Who even knows anymore?
1. The Flying Camel
Who names sex positions anyway? Is that a job? Seems like a job someone would have on The Bachelor. But anyway, if you are sick of doggy style and other sexual positions named after animals doin' it with one another, try out the very exotic "flying camel" position instead.
Per the description of Urban Dictionary, this is how you do the Flying Camel:
As your gal is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move."
A man flapping his arms on top of me and shrieking is definitely how I like to engage in sexual activity! I'm gonna keep the flying camel in the rotation for sure. Flying camel. I cannot stop writing flying camel. Camels do not fly, right? Nothing about this makes sense.
2. The Ballcuzi
Have you ever wanted to create a jacuzzi singularly for your man's testicles? Your prayers have been answered! Here is the moment we have all been waiting for.
The for-sure gentlemen over at Bro Bible recommend trying out something called "The Ballcuzi," which is where you dunk your man's balls into a liquid (they recommend hot chocolate, which is childish in a way that made me go "aw") and then blow bubbles into it with a straw — to simulate a jacuzzi.
This seems like something you would only do if you've lost a bet, but if you're looking for a real laugh riot in the bedroom, head to the nearest Starbucks, ask for a venti hot cocoa, and tell them it's because you're about to give your partner the ballcuzi of a lifetime. It's on the secret menu!
3. Pop Rock BJ
Pop rocks have scared me ever since I heard that urban legend that if you mix them with soda, your stomach will explode and then you die. However, apparently, if you mix them with sex, only laughter and a great orgasm will ensue... says no human person I have ever met.
Anyway, to do this, you fill your mouth with Pop Rocks, and then, engage in oral sex with your partner, according to Urban Dictionary. The best thing about this position is that it goes both ways! Have your partner fill their mouth with Pop Rocks, and have them engage in oral sex with you! Everyone's mouths are filled with Pop Rocks, and everyone is engaging in oral sex! 69 with a mouth full of Pop Rocks!
However, opinion from a medical professional here, and by medical professional, I mean someone who actively peruses WebMD in her spare time: I feel like it is not great to stick candy in your vagina. It's along the other lines of things you should not be sticking in your vagina, like glitter bombs and hornets nests. You heard it here first.
4. The Bus Driver
First and foremost, this sex position should definitely not be done on a school bus, or while driving a school bus. Nor should it be practiced by anyone who still needs to take a school bus in order to get to or from school. If you're in school, don't do this sex position. Don't have sex, period. Focus on getting good grades. Don't do drugs!
Here's the Urban Dictionary description of The Bus Driver:
While having sex doggy style, the left thumb is inserted into the receiver's rectum and turned from side to side essentially driving the bus. The right hand reaches around and squeezes the right breast honking the horn to alert patrons the bus is coming. Don't forget to wave to the people waiting for the bus.
I'm not going to lie, out of all the sex positions, this seems like the most desirable to me. It is also great if you have long-term goals of becoming a mime, actor, or are in an improv group. To be honest, this is just an elaborate role play that requires going full method acting. Be the bus. How is the bus feeling? Does it need a tune up? Are its wheels going 'round and 'round? Does it like having a thumb in its butt? Only you know.
So if you're looking to un-sexify things in the bedroom, then these positions are definitely for you. Grab a school bus, a cup of hot chocolate, a bag of Pop Rocks, and go get to f*cking. Because if you can't have good sex, you might as well have funny sex, right?
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