How Should I Prepare For Sex?
"Sex is like a yoga class" is one of the the most basic b*tch quotes in all of the land, but it's true.
It can be super hot. It has lots of positions. It can be hard to relax while you're doing it. It's easy to forget to breathe. You might see a reflection of yourself and get insecure about your body.
I sometimes sign up for yoga class within the "no cancellation" period just so I actually drag myself there. Similarly, I have definitely had to psych myself up for a session in the sheets (consider that analogy exhausted).
A lot goes through your head before having sex, whether with a long term partner, or an entirely new person.
My mindset correlates directly with my ability to enjoy sleeping with someone. If I'm feeling insecure about our relationship status, or if I've simply had a bad day, it's hard to be fully present in bed.
Since I want to enjoy sex as much as humanly possible, Elite Daily spoke with experts to see if there are actual ways to get yourself ready for sex.
And good news, there are...
1. Take Care Of The Little Things
I love the ritual of getting ready to go out on a weeknight. Blasting music while picking out a cute outfit instantly makes me feel better about myself.
Self-care is important because it means you like yourself. It's no different when it comes to sex.
"Sexual satisfaction requires, among other things, confidence and comfort with your sexuality, even if you have been with your partner for a while," says LoveVictory.com founder, Dr. LeslieBeth Wish.
Dr. Wish suggests brushing your teeth, wearing something that makes you feel good, cleaning your sheets, and taking a shower as options for little things that'll make you feel good.
You don't need to conform to the male gaze and shave your legs or wear extravagant lingerie, but do something that makes you feel sexy in your bod.
2. Keep It Private
Here's something super simple and actionable: Turn your phone off. It also doesn't hurt if you lock the bedroom door for a little extra privacy.
The best sex is the most uninhibited sex. The goal here is to make sure all parties are comfortable, and willing to explore each others bodies.
Am I the only one paranoid about being spied on through the selfie camera on my phone? Just me?
If it's your first time with a new partner, it'd probably feel pretty nice if you saw them shut their phone down completely. Very chivalrous for 2017, I'd say.
He's focused on you, not anticipating a postcoital scroll through Twitter.
3. Talk About It
This is especially important for new lovers, but talking about sex is as important as the Salt-N-Pepa lyrics say, no matter how long you've been together.
We're all taught to communicate what we want during sex, but why don't we talk about it beforehand?
Whether you are married and you know every inch of your partner's body, or this is a new partner who you haven't seen naked yet, talking builds anticipation.
"A day before you have sex for the first time, go to a public place such as a restaurant or park and talk about what you like sexually," says Dr. Wish. "Talk about your preferences, positions, touch. The couples in my research said that this suggestion increased both their comfort and arousal! Women also reported that it took away their fears that this new partner liked to do things that they found objectionable."
I'm not babbling away about my favorite sex position on a first date, but hormones in the moment usually render me less articulate than normal when it comes to what I want.
It's easier for me to be upfront and honest about what I like in bed before actually getting into bed.
4. Remind Yourself It's Just Sex
As a society, we put a lot of pressure on sex - especially when it's with a new partner. Should I do it yet? Will he hit it and quit it? What if he's not good in bed?
It's exhausting, and we shouldn't overthink it.
"Get it into your head that good sex does not mean 'this person is The One'; conversely, not-so-great-sex with a new partner doesn't mean 'he or she is not The One,'" says Dr. Wish.
I've been there. I have caught the feels from what was realistically great sexual chemistry more than once. I've also had not-so-great sex that got better with time.
So what if we could reframe sex? As in, realizing sex does not define a relationship, but enhances it.
Of course, doubts and insecurities are inevitable. But when I worry about something constantly, and then finally say it out loud to a friend, the worry usually gets smaller. Case in point: Talk about sex and what's stressing you out about doing it!
Remember, sex takes two people, and you have just as much of a right to feel comfortable as your partner does.
If you're looking to get out of your own way and start enjoying the physical pleasure of just doing it, then brush those teeth, leave your phone in the living room, have "the talk," and remind yourself that your sex life does not define you.
Now you're a woman with a plan.. and that's hot.