Single Life
Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time.

Here Are 6 Signs You've Met The Right Person At The Wrong Time

Timing is everything.

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Timing really is everything, right? I've certainly ruined a good joke by blowing the timing of the punchline, definitely missed a handful of flights by miscalculating my schedule, and I probably missed bumping into my soulmate because I was running late. As in life and comedy, timing is essential in dating, too. Finding a compatible match is key, but what happens if it’s the right person, wrong time? Meeting the right person at the wrong time does happen, and if you’re not sure whether this is the case for you and your boo, then experts say there are signs that can help you figure it out.

Plenty of people think they know what their life will look like when they're ready to settle down, but what happens when you meet your “soulmate” at the wrong time? Whether you’re focused on your career, recovering from a breakup, or getting ready to move across the globe, you could meet someone great at a not-so-great time for a number of reasons. As relationship expert April Masini tells Elite Daily, “Having chemistry with someone is very different from having long-term relationship compatibility with them.”

If you’re crushing on someone who feels so right but is oh-so-wrong for you in the long-term, then you’ll likely notice these telling signs.

01
Your Goals Aren’t Aligned
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Usually, it will become clear once you get to know someone whether your visions of the future align. "If one of you wants kids [soon] and the other does not, for example, there is a problem there," Trina Leckie, host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, previously told Elite Daily. "Or maybe one of you wants to move somewhere else, and the other is happy staying where you are because that is where they have established their life and feel comfortable. Too many drastic differences like this, and you won’t have a future.”

Maybe you and that special someone have tons in common right now. But that doesn’t mean you two will always on the same page — especially if you have very different ideas of how your future will look, based on where you’re at now. According to Masini, even if you have chemistry and compatibility with someone, the timing could be off if one person is ready to settle down soon and the other simply isn’t.

02
Your Lifestyles Are Too Different

Similarly, if you met someone who’s all about having fun and you’re committed your career right now, then your lifestyles may be too different to make things work. Sure, they may check all your other boxes, but when you don’t share current priorities, it’s hard to share a life together. “Compatibility supersedes checking off the traditional boxes," dating coach and dating app expert Meredith Golden told Elite Daily. “No matter how great someone looks on paper, if the other stuff isn’t there, there’s no chance of a healthy relationship flourishing.”

People are constantly changing and growing, and it’s possible you two may share more values in the future. But you may not get the chance to find out if your habits and behaviors are too dissimilar right now.

03
Your Maturity Levels Are At Odds

While age can play a role in maturity, it’s not the only factor that affects someone’s maturity level. With emotional maturity comes a feeling of security, and according to life coach Nina Rubin, if someone is constantly putting themselves down or talking about how "out of their league" you are, then chances are they’re aren't in a good place to date right now. "If they say you’re 'too good,' it probably means they’re feeling insecure about where they are," she said.

Someone who isn’t yet secure with themselves and where they are in life probably won’t be ready to commit, even if you are (and vice versa). Even if that person eventually comes into their own and develops some confidence, that doesn’t mean your relationship with them will work right now, especially if you’ve already developed a strong sense of self.

04
One Of You Isn’t In A Headspace To Date
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It’s possible that logistics just aren’t on your side. When you’re in the middle of a major life change — be it a death, a new job, or a major move — then committing yourself to a new relationship can be challenging, if not impossible. As NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter previously explained, “There's always a sense of disconnect with an emotionally unavailable partner. Emotionally, it feels as though there's a trapdoor behind which all the goodies are hidden.”

No matter how many sparks are flying, things won’t work if one person is unavailable (either emotionally or physically) based on their current circumstances. Yes, you can wait until that person becomes available, but there’s no telling how long that will take.

05
One Of You Is Fresh Off A Breakup

Someone may seem like the total package, but if they’re fresh out of a relationship and exhibiting signs of not being over their ex, then take heed. "Some people feel ready to replace their partners after a divorce or a breakup,” Masini says. “They’re focused on getting that relationship back — with someone new, and for them, the timing is now!" But even if it feels like the right timing for them (and even if they may be a great fit for you), that doesn’t mean they’re actually ready.

Same goes if you’re still reeling from a breakup. As sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr previously told Elite Daily, "From the wondering, dreaming, thinking about 'what ifs' or 'what should have beens' with an ex, still being connected with them takes emotional energy — and that is energy that cannot go to a current partner."

06
One Of You Is Already Dating Someone

One of the most telling signs your timing is off: that awesome person you met is already dating someone else. As Golden previously pointed out, a person may seem so “right” for you simply because they’re taken. “There’s a psychological component to wanting what we can’t have," she told Elite Daily. "The more unavailable someone is, the more attractive they appear.”

And while it’s possible that person you’re crushing on may be willing to leave their current relationship to be with you, that comes with its own complications, and the fact that the timing is so wrong could be the sole reason why that person seems so right.

If you suspect you’ve met the right person at the wrong time, then Masini suggests being “as clear as possible with yourself and your partner.” She adds, “Don’t waste your time or theirs. If they are never going to make the money you want a partner to make, and are committed to a life as a poet living in a garret, and you want retirement savings, kids, a house with a mortgage and two cars, cut off and move on. Be polite and kind, but firm and clear.”

Of course, time passes and people change, so you might consider leaving a door open for someone once you’ve both on the same page. Masini agrees, saying, "You can leave the door open — if there are changes. For instance, if the poet goes to law school and wants to stay in touch, that’s a good reason for keeping the door open.” Just know that, if you wait around for the timing to the right with that one person, then you might miss your chance with someone who’s even more right for you.

Experts:

April Masini, relationship expert

Trina Leckie, host of the Breakup BOOST podcast

Meredith Golden, dating coach and dating app expert

Nina Rubin, life coach

Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert

Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach

Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily staff.