Look guys, 2016 has been shit for everyone.
At least, for everyone I know. And chances are, you're looking for some answers, babe.
Don't worry, honey, you've came to the right place. Just call me Zara "I'm Looking For Answers" Barrie.
You know what we need, darlings? A fresh fucking start. If there is anything we ladies, especially my single ladies, who have withstood the deathly wrath of 2016 are hungry for, it's some good old fashioned, newfound empowerment.
Can I get a YAS QUEEN?
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being depressed! I'm sick of the all-consuming sadness. I'm weary from being goddamn weary.
But I have good news. In just a few days, 2016 will be over AF. Thank the gorgeous goddess up above, it will be a new year and we will have the glittery feeling of newness.
So single queens, let's get together and make some affirmations. Some empowering affirmations for the single girl creature who is going to slay 2017 like the girlboss she is.
Here are 5 New Year's resolutions for the single girl.
You will focus on becoming your happiest self over finding someone else.
I get it, you want love! Of course you do. Falling in love is the most powerful, intoxicating, exhilarating experience, and I'm not about to pretend to be above it all. I want you to find love, too.
Falling in love is the most powerful, intoxicating, exhilarating experience!
But here is the deal. I've learned this shit the hard way, too, babes. You must focus on being your best, happiest self if you want to draw in the right person.
When we're depressed, addicted, sad, anxious, and empty, we draw in people who are also depressed, addicted, sad, anxious and empty.
Or we draw in people who are wildly codependent and aren't falling in love with the raw us, but the idea of rescuing us, because they're using us to work through some deep-rooted childhood issue.
And that's not the kind of toxic love you need in 2017! In 2017, you're going to have brilliant love. You're going to have real love with a fantastic person who treats you like you're the golden queen that you are.
However, you aren't going to find it until you heal the relationship with yourself. You're not going to draw in healthy love until you're healthy. So really laser focus on healing right now.
You're not going to draw in healthy love until you're healthy.
Screw dating. Delete the apps; you can re-download them once you're in a better place. Go see a therapist. Get into meditation and mindfulness. (Shit really works, and I'm not some yogi Instagram bitch.)
Train for a marathon and sweat all the demons out. Start eating super, insanely, amazingly healthy. Cut out anything that's made in a factory. Do you know what all those fillers in foods are doing to us? They are killing us, bae.
Get sober if you're using booze to fill the dark voids, like I have for most of my life. The clarity of sobriety is astonishing. Go on antidepressants if you need them. Go for long walks and watch great movies and read amazing books!
Slowly, you'll start to like yourself. And pretty soon, you'll start to love yourself. And before you know it, you will have drawn in the kind of supernova love that you're ready for.
You will not settle into anything that isn't mind-blowing.
Let's make a vow together. We will not settle into dating, fucking, or relationships that are anything less than mind-blowingly amazing.
I get it. The single life can be lonely. After all, like our queen Lana Del Rey says, "The world is built for two."
It's tempting to want to dive headfirst into a relationship just so you can feel included in the coupled-up world.
But we end up in these shitty relationships that leave us feeling lonelier than we were when we were single. We end up having one-night stands with selfish assholes who don't even go down on us. We wind up wasting our precious lives on stupid dates with spineless creeps.
It's all a waste of time, baby.
We end up in these shitty relationships that leave us feeling lonelier than we were when we were single.
I always say there is only so much space we have in our lives. All these dead-end relationships take up a good chunk of space.
Imagine what could fill that space if you got rid of all the bullshit. Maybe you'd have some open space for the real love to come in.
You will realize that relationships are all around you.
I'm so sick of us as a culture glamorizing the romantic relationship. Romantic relationships are great, but it's only ONE relationship in a sea of many relationships.
Instead of getting sad about the fact that you don't have a romantic partner, focus on the other amazing relationships in your life.
Deepen your friendships. Friendships are the most beautiful, honest, raw relationships in our lives. Spend less time dating and more time hanging out with your friends. Get down and dirty with them!
When was the last time you had a really deep, soulful conversation with your best friend? When was the last time you cried together? Call up your best friend, pour a glass of wine and spill your heart out.
Call up your best friend, pour a glass of wine and spill your heart out.
Spend more time with your parents and siblings (unless they're racist, emotionally abusive bigots). Go for a coffee with your coworker, or better yet, get lunch with her. Stop eating lunch alone, girl. There are glorious people all around you.
You'll find that when you have strong relationships with the people in your life, you'll be so much more fulfilled. You won't settle into a shitty relationship because you're lonely. You'll know when to dump the loser because you know you'll have a strong support system.
Stop eating lunch alone girl, there are glorious people all around you.
When you have amazing, real, authentic relationships, you know you'll always have a safe place to land. So you will be free to take gorgeous risks.
You will take every single vacation day you have.
Did you know that 55 percent of Americans didn't use their PAID vacation days in 2015? That there were literally 658 million unused vacation days floating around the universe? And even worse, that 61 percent of Americans fucking WORK while they're on their vacation days?
I say screw that bullshit! There is so much more to LIFE than your work life. Get out and experience the world, kittens!
Even if you can't afford to go to another country, take a staycation. Take daytrips. Hop on trains, get a notebook and write down your uncensored feelings with reckless abandon.
Because work is just another form of numbing. It's another way to distract us from dealing with ourselves.
So take every single vacation day you have and really indulge in them. Use those days to get down and dirty with the most fabulous person in the world: yourself, sweetheart.
You will get a hobby.
Candy Crush is not a hobby. Instagram is not a hobby. Neither is Snapchat. We spend so much time on social media that we've completely neglected our hobbies!
What did you love to do just for the pure fun of it when you were a kid? Did you love gymnastics? Take an adult gymnastics class and be one of those weird adults who gets super into it.
Take an acting class. Shit, I'm thinking of joining a play-reading class. That's nerdy, babes. But I don't give a fuck! I just want to remember what it feels like to do something for the unabashed fun of it again.
What did you love to do just for the pure fun of it when you were a kid?
I think part of the reason we feel so unfulfilled and are always searching for another person to fill the voids is because we literally have zero hobbies.
I think if we found something we enjoyed, whether it's a book club, a sport, an improv class or an instrument, we wouldn't be so dependent on an outside entity to make us feel whole.
So those are my single girl resolutions! Message me yours, babe.