It's OK If You Feel Resentment Toward Men Because Of Trump This Weekend
Oh, girls, it's going to be a ~CRAZY~ weekend.
Donald Trump has been sworn in as president, women are flocking to the nation's capital in droves to march for our fundamental human rights, social media has gone hog wild and our emotions are running faster than a Bugatti zooming down a European highway.
So in light of current events, here is my very important weekend PSA: It's OK to hate men because of TRUMP... this weekend, at least.
There are men like my own father, who are disgusted and ashamed that a mortal enemy to women is the president of the United States of America.
Men like my human rights activist friend Brett, who deeply fears the aftermath of a Trump presidency.
Men like my soulmate best friend Eduardo, whose life will be directly affected by the Trump presidency.
I think those men are very important creatures in the pending four years. We need to include them in our feminist conversation, and we need these men to use their male privilege as a powerful platform to fight for us right now.
However, today, I went spiraling down a dark, social media hole.
I've tried to filter out all the bigotry that littered my newsfeed this election season, but alas, there are still some trolls who slipped through the cracks.
So on this already sad day, as I was scrolling through my newsfeed, I came across some white guy I don't ever remember meeting in my life (but is somehow one of my 3,000 Facebook friends). He posted a selfie — a driving selfie.
His status read, "Coming to help out my brothers. Ready to kick some liberal ass in DC." In his selfie, he looked aggressive. Manic, even.
And we all know what "liberal ass" is code for: feminist ass, Mexican ass, Muslim ass, black ass, immigrant ass, and queer ass. Basically, it meant non-white-male, non-submissive-white-woman ass.
Disgusted and afraid, I began to lurk through his Facebook page ('cause I'm a masochist). It was all pictures of white men donning red "Make America Great Again" hats.
They all had a self-indulgent sneer sprawled across their reddened, well-fed faces. The message behind their slightly animalistic facial expressions seemed to read like this:
"Make America White Again. Make America A Man's World Again. Make America Straight Again. We're in charge now, you little queer. Go back to Mexico."
Maybe I was just triggered because these look exactly like the same men who have traumatized, taunted and humiliated me before. I don't know.
But suddenly, I was filled with a deep resentment, not just toward these men, but toward the entire male species.
I'm not saying it was a rational reaction, but if there is one thing I've learned, it's this: We can't control our emotional responses to trauma.
And this is actual trauma.
If there is one thing I've learned, it's this: We can't control our emotional responses to trauma.
A sexual predator who has assaulted countless women is now our president. A sexual predator who thinks that women should be punished for having ABORTIONS is now our president.
A sexual predator who has assaulted countless women is now our president.
A religious fanatic who wants to defund Planned Parenthood is now our vice president. And this sexual predator has chosen a cabinet of unqualified racists to lead the country with him.
It's traumatizing to face the reality that a man who mocks, sexually assaults and wants to control women is going to be in a position of power. It's triggering, and I'm feeling all kinds of things, ladies.
I'm upset! And I'm not just angry, I'm motherfucking angry! I want to take all of you, my proverbial internet sisters, and go hide in a safe, male-free space right now.
Because these men in charge, and the men who support the men in charge, are a direct threat to us RIGHT NOW. They hate us. (Anyone who wants to control our bodies hates us.) And I hate them.
So now, I keep getting stuck in a vicious cycle.
I start to think of all the good men out there, and I say to myself, "I don't hate all men. I hate these Trump-supporting bigoted kind of men. Be nice, Zara. Women are supposed to be understanding and never be disruptive, so stuff those feelings of displaced rage down and get it together, you reckless bitch."
As soon as my metaphorical Valium has set in, and I'm calming down, I'll see an optimistic post from a nice white male on twitter — a feminist white male.
The post says something along the lines of "give him a chance, it's going to be OK," and I proceed to spiral into hating the entire male species all over again.
It's so easy to smile and say, "Give the sexual predator a chance," when you've never been raped or sexually assaulted by a man who used his position of power to hurt and humiliate you.
It's easy to smile and say, "Give the guy a chance," when you've never been raped or assaulted by a man.
It's easy to be "positive" when you have nothing to lose in this election. So white, straight men obviously have the privilege of being positive because they have nothing to lose in this election.
I try to remember not all men are being ignorantly positive again. And I take a breath.
But then, I'll see a picture of a white, straight man, and I will feel physically sick to my stomach all over again.
So right as I was in the midst of this cycle, stuffing down my angry feelings yet again, I began to think about a conversation I had at a woman's support group right after election night.
A girl in her early 20s was discussing how she felt guilty because it was hard for her to even be around men right after the election.
And in my typical style, I channeled my therapist. Before I knew it, I was telling the young girl to let herself feel her feelings, therapist style, baby!
I told her, "Don't control your feelings. You can be aware that your feelings are irrational. You don't have to act out on them, but don't judge your feelings. Sit with them. Honor them. It's understandable."
So I've decided to take my own advice.
If I'm feeling resentment toward the male species this weekend, I'm going to let myself feel that resentment, regardless of how "unladylike" those feelings are.
You know that famous saying "feelings aren't facts"? Well, it's true. Me feeling sweeping sensations of male hatred today does not mean that MEN ARE BAD. It's just a feeling, babe.
Shoving down your emotions doesn't help anything. You need make love to those feelings, even if it makes men uncomfortable.
We women are always putting everyone else before ourselves. We're always protecting everyone's feelings our own.
But fuck that.
If you're feeling heated resentment toward men right now, and you know in your gut it's wildly irrational, it's OK to feel it right now. Putting a lid on it isn't going to make it go away.
And also, the cool men — the men who are on our side — will understand.
The only men who will be wildly offended by this post, I assure you, are men who want to control everything about women: their bodies, their choices and, naturally, their emotions.
Putting a lid on your feelings isn't going to make them go away.
So if you're crying and finding yourself ANGRY AF at the male race, you're not alone. If you feel sickened every time you see a picture of the monochromatic color scheme in the audience at pro-Trump rallies, you're not alone.
If you don't want to look at your boyfriend today and want to surround yourself in a sea of girl energy instead, you're not alone.
There is a whole sisterhood of girls like you out there who are feeling the same way, but they're hell-bent with female guilt and hiding their feelings.
And if you're feeling alienated and upset, imagine me sitting on the couch of your apartment with you. I'm wearing this outfit:
Yes, power leather and a PUSSY HAT.
I'm raging out with you. I'm crying next to you, holding your trembling hand. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs with you.
And pretty soon, our reckless screams become a powerful battle cry and propel us into incredible female fighters who resist TRUMP every step of the way.
Message me if you have to!
We'll feel this out together. We'll figure out a way to channel our powerful emotions into a groundbreaking piece of art that inspires other girls to own their feelings and keep fighting the good fight.