How To Handle A Relationship Fizzling Out, Even If You're Kind Of Embarrassed About It
Well, I think a more appropriate way to describe it is the short-lived media magnet of a pseudo-relationship just fizzled out.
According to news reports, Tom Hiddleston is "embarrassed" it didn't work out.
Now, I guess I don't have to worry about my relationship updates being headline news, or my exes writing scathing songs about me post-breakup, but I will say I really don't think fizzling out is that embarrassing. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don't find it embarrassing at all.
Think about dating like shopping: You're not going to love everything you try on.
You might love a dress so much that you decide to buy it, only to realize when you get home that it doesn't quite do it for you. Sure, the dress is beautiful. It just isn't the right fit for you, so you return it.
It's NOTHING PERSONAL.
The same theory applies to dating. You could like a guy when you meet him at the bar, decide to go out with him, and then, after a few dates (or a few months, in Hiddleswift's situation), you may realize this person is not the right fit for you. It's nothing personal! The guy's great, he's just not great for you.
Since it wasn't a real relationship, there can be no real breakup. So what are you left with? A good, old-fashioned fizzle.
A fizzle takes place when two parties do a romantic trial run and realize it's not working out, so they quietly go their separate ways.
Then again, accepting that "it just wasn't meant to be" is WAY easier said than done — especially when you find yourself, like our boy Tom Hiddleston, on the receiving end of the fizzle.
LUCKY FOR YOU, Tom Hiddleston, I've found myself on both sides of the fizzle many a time. I can offer some helpful steps on how to deal.
The thing with fizzling is — especially when you're the one who was fizzled on — it's not a hard and fast breakup. It's usually nothing more than a gut feeling. You start to feel your partner distancing away from you, and after a while, you accept the fact that it's not a feeling: This is actually happening. This is over.
You've already spent hours with your friends and family psychoanalyzing all of your evidence as to why you feel the fizzle happening. All you really have to do is inform them that it's not just a hunch anymore — it really has come to an end.
Give yourself a solid week to mope about it. You get 48 hours to vent to friends and family (anything more than this goes from necessary venting to toxic dwelling), and five days to just be sad and watch movies and write in your journal and do two-a-days at the gym.
You're going to feel a little silly letting yourself be sad about it. It wasn't a real relationship and it wasn't a real breakup, so what right do you have to be down? But you HAVE TO let yourself feel it through.
Then, when this week is over, I declare your grieving period OVER. I'm not saying you're going to magically be over it (you're not going to fall asleep crying about someone to your mom and then wake up the next morning feeling fantastic. That's absurd). But you have to make a conscious decision to move on.
Now, people have different ways of moving on. Some people like to jump back into the dating pool ASAP. If that's your style, DO IT.
Personally, I have a hard time dating anyone until I'm completely over the last person I was with, so I just like to take some time to focus on myself. I work on looking and feeling as hot as physically possible. I go to the gym, I eat super healthy, I get eyelash extensions, I get my hair done, I revamp my wardrobe... I do whatever it takes to make sure I feel like my hottest self.
It's not to impress any guy. It's just so that I can look in the mirror and remember I'm not some pathetic, rejected loser who can't find love.
So, consider this your ~me~ time, too. Do what ya gotta do.
The other thing I do? Focus on hanging out with my friends and having FUN with them. I go out with the goal of having a fantastic night out.
This isn't some sort of female empowerment, I-hate-all-men-because-I-was-rejected-by-one sort of thing. It's a reminder that I don't need a guy to make me happy.
This romantic trial run didn't work out, and that sucked. But, it's not the end of the world by any means. Life can still be fun without him.
Finally (because I know you guys are all wondering), if you feel the need to delete every trace of this fizzled relationship from your social media existence, do it. If you think it'll make you feel better to remove a mutual friend and untag some pictures, DO IT.
But the one thing I'm NOT going to bother telling you to delete is his number (or her number, Tom Hiddleston). You're just going to end up drunk texting it so many times that you'll memorize it, anyways.
Tom, and other fizzlers of the world, I hope that I've helped quell your embarrassment about the fizzle. Seriously, a relationship fizzling out is really NBD... even if it happens with the world's biggest superstar.