If You Can't Answer ‘Yes’ To These 5 Questions, She's Not The One

by Paul Hudson
Originally Published: 

Love is complicated. How do you know if the woman you’re with now is the one you should spend your life loving? Do you “just know,” or are there practical questions you should be asking yourself? Is there some sort of checklist or guide? In many ways, I wish there was a directory of the signs to look out for. And if you can’t answer yes to these questions, you’d know for sure that you’re not with your soulmate.

"When you ask the question, 'Is your partner the only one for you?', what you are really asking (and should be asking) is 'Is your partner the right one for you?'" Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship and professor at Oakland University in Michigan, previously told Elite Daily.

Love can seem mysterious, and, in some cases, even impossible to define. People often say that words fail to appropriately capture love. I, for one, believe that love is a natural, logical result of two compatible souls meeting. The real question is: What’s “just right”?

Read on for the five questions to ask yourself in order to find out if your partner is or isn’t “the one.”


1. Has your life gotten better?

Are you happier? Do you have a better outlook on life? Do your problems feel more manageable? If all of this rings true, you may very well be with "the one."

“‘the one’ is the person that inspires you to be the best version of yourself at any given stage," online dating coach Andi Forness previously told Elite Daily.

2. Do they make you smile?

If they do, then you may be in love — and that’s really the most important sign.

"You don’t want to just be good roommates,” Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a certified sex and couples therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of The New Monogamy, previously told Elite Daily. “You want to be in love."

If you feel happy just being reminded of them, then what you have found may be true love. If the thought of them makes your day a little better, then you may have a keeper on your hands.

3. Can you talk for hours?

If you’ve met “the one,” it’s crucial that you and your partner can engage in stimulating conversation.

"No matter what the topic is, you and your SO seem to flow," NYC relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily. "There's an innate sense of ease and intellectual dimension. You find you no longer have to keep your conversation harnessed to specific subjects."

4. Are they there for you?

The key to finding an amazing life partner is finding someone who is truly your partner. Are they there for you when you need them to be? Do they support you, motivate you and keep you on track?

"Dedication to the relationship is important but support and willingness to see your partner grow, change, and mature is critical," Dr. Joshua Klapow previously told Elite Daily. "We all bring our own individual trajectory to a relationship and willingness to support that is a sign of relationship health."

5. Have they opened up to you?

It takes some people longer to open up than others, even with the people they truly care about. Everyone's expression of love is unique, but shared vulnerability can build a strong foundation for a relationship to blossom.

"'The one' makes you feel loved and secure,” Lesli Doares, couples consultant and marriage coach at Foundations Coaching, previously told Elite Daily. "You are able to be yourself and feel accepted. They make you want to be your best self and they bring that out in you. You don't feel scared of their reaction if you want to tell them something that may be hard, either to say or for them to hear. There is balance in how you interact."

Additional reporting by Iman Hariri-Kia.

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