Love is complicated.
How do you know if the woman you’re with now is the one you should spend your life loving? Do you “just know,” or are there practical questions you should be asking yourself?
Is there some sort of checklist or guide?
Love seems mysterious, and maybe even impossible to define. People often say that words fail to appropriately capture love. I, for one, believe it isn’t the words that fail. It's the people who use them.
Love is a natural, logical result of two compatible souls meeting. The real question is: What’s “just right”?
You can find the answer through a few simple questions.
1. Has your life drastically improved since you met her?
Are you happier? Do you have a better outlook on life? Do your problems seem less dire and more manageable? Do you have more good days than bad days now? If all of this is true, she may very well be "the one."
You'd assume that most people don't marry someone until they've asked themselves these questions. But a lot of people stay in relationships for a long time even when they're toxic. Sometimes the love we feel makes it impossible to let go.
We tell ourselves that things will get better, but secretly we know that's just wishful thinking.
Love and obsession don't live far apart. If the woman you’re with drives you crazy for the wrong reasons, she’s probably the wrong one.
2. Do you smile every time you see her, think of her and talk to her?
If you do, then you’re in love -- and that’s really the most important sign.
If you feel happy just being reminded of her existence, then what you have is true love. If the thought of her makes your day a little better -- if having her around feels natural and right --then you may have a keeper on your hands.
Without these feelings, you'll never develop the closeness essential for a sustainable relationship. Too much attachment may not be the healthiest thing, but some attachment is necessary in love.
The woman you should spend your life with is the one you'd rather have by your side than out of reach. She's the woman who's made herself a positive force in your life. If you love her, she very well may be the one.
3. Can you talk to her for hours on end without getting bored or feeling awkward?
Sexual passion is definitely important in a romantic relationship. There’s no denying that. However, there are more important factors to look for. For example, it’s crucial that your partner stimulates you intellectually -- and vice versa.
As you get older and your libido is on the low, you could pop some blue pills (and you most likely will), but sex will no longer be so important. Conversation and companionship are what will hold you together. Love and friendship will make your relationship last.
If talking to her is one of your least favorite things to do, why are you even dating her?
4. Is she there for you?
The key to finding an amazing life partner is finding someone who lives up to her role in your life. Is she truly your partner, or is she your “girlfriend”? Is she there for you when you need her to be? Is she someone who supports you, motivates you and keeps you on track?
Or does she hang out just when it's convenient for her?
It's true that people in relationships need to maintain their personal identities.
But if the woman you’re with seems to prefer her space away from you more than her time with you, then I'm sorry, but she won’t stick around for much longer.
5. Has she opened up to you and let you into her life?
It takes some people longer to open up, even with the people they truly care about. But some people simply won’t ever be vulnerable. And that's because the relationship is, for whatever reason, simply not right.
This is probably not your fault. Sometimes people can’t open up because they know deep down that what they feel isn't true love.
Does she truly love you? I understand that you love her, but does she love you?
Everyone's expression of love is unique. The way you love her might be very different from the way she loves you. But if you're questioning whether or not she loves you, I think you already know the answer. You just don’t want to accept the reality.
And if the reality is that she doesn’t love you, you need to let go. You need a woman in your life who loves you with every atom in her body. Never settle for less.