Why Your Failed Relationships Are No Excuse To Sabotage Your New One

by Jamie LeeLo

There are a million and one different reasons people break up with you and maybe five excuses that people actually give.

Some classics are, "It's not you, it's me," "You're too good for me" and, the most flimsy excuse yet, "I've been hurt in the past."

Guess what? Everyone has been hurt the past, so get over yourself.

Someone using an old, miserable relationship as an excuse not to be happy in a new one is selfish and self-sabotaging.

If I punished every tub of Cool Whip as payback for the one time it gave me food poisoning at Thanksgiving when I was 17, I would never be able to enjoy pumpkin pie again. Know what I'm saying?

Guess what? Everyone has been hurt the past, so get over yourself.

So here are four reasons I do not care that you had a bad experience before dating me:

I am not that person.

Great. Problem solved then.

You don't need to worry about me treating you like that other girl treated you because I AM NOT THAT GIRL. I'm going to treat you how I treat most people, which is usually with respect and honesty.

Sure, when I'm exhausted I turn into a 10-eyed monster who might wreak havoc on you for keeping the TV on too loud while I'm trying to sleep, but, I mean, to be fair, you deserve some of my wrath in that case.

Don't hold me to the expectations you had for your past partner. Set new ones for our new relationship, and let that old shit go.

Being hurt before doesn't mean you can't love another person.

You aren't broken, so stop pretending to be. While everyone deserves time to lick their wounds and feel like doom is imminent after a bad relationship, the really amazing news is love still exists! What luck!

Just because something bad happened to you, doesn't mean you are incapable of feeling nice, warm, fuzzy feelings again down the road. Embrace it.

How wonderful for us that love can conquer all!

You probably learned something, and you're a better person for it.

I'm a firm believer that every crap person we date brings us one step closer to the right person.

For example, if you date someone who is manipulative or conniving, and that relationship goes to hell, the next time you come across someone with those attributes, you'll be able to see it coming a mile away.

Reflect on what went wrong in your bad situation, and be conscious to avoid those things or change them the next time they pop up in your new relationship. Live, love and LEARN.

Life is a series of bad dates... until it isn't.

I mean, I'm sorry you had to go through something shitty. But congratulations on being alive.

It would be weird if your first and only romantic experience ended up being all fireworks and dying in each other's arms after a life of perfection. Those love stories are so few and far between and not a realistic expectation to set for yourself.

Most of us need to go through a few rounds of life lessons before we learn the secrets to being human, and in this case, I'm thankful you learned them before meeting me.

Now, we can just enjoy each other, and you can revel in making it through that negative experience.

And back to my pie metaphor, just because one Thanksgiving ended up as a literal shit show, doesn't mean I avoid the whole meal and miss out on all the cranberry, mashed potatoes, turkey and wine because I'm afraid of a little cool whip.

Think about it.

The point is, relax and enjoy the bad times being behind you, and set your sights on the good thing to come. Not EVERYTHING has to be terrible.