Why True Love Isn't Something You Find, It's Something You Build
Finding love is a pleasant accident. You meet someone great, spend some time with and get to know him or her, and, if things align just right, you’ve “found” love.
People all over the world fall in love every day. Love isn’t a rarity on this planet.
But true love is.
True love is love that has what it takes to last the test of time.
It’s malleable, adaptive, ever-growing and ever-changing. And it’s incredibly rare because it takes a great deal of time to develop. You have to be with someone for years to know for sure that what you have isn’t just any love, but true love.
Ultimately, true love isn’t found, stumbled upon or fallen into; true love is built, slowly and with great care.
While love is a beautiful thing, there is nothing more beautiful in this universe than true love. It’s not even because it’s especially pure (people are flawed creatures, so nothing can truly be pure, can it?), but because it’s honest and real.
And in a world like ours, there’s little more you can hope for.
The earliest stages of love are the most intense and exciting, but also the most shallow and fragile.
When we first fall in love, the world becomes a more pleasant place. The sun shines a little brighter. The breeze blows a little warmer.
It’s amazing how something as simple as falling in love can have such a profound effect on our perception of the world around you.
When love is still new, we feel an intense need, hunger almost, for the one we love. We want to spend time with that person, get to know that person on an intimate level, transition from being a solitary individual to a couple, a partnership.
We want to unveil all the mystery that we know is hiding behind our love’s eyes.
But as time goes on and as we get to know that person on a deeper level, the mystery begins to dry up. The excitement becomes less exciting.
This is a pivotal point in any relationship. It’s the point where the love either dies or begins to grow into something more.
True love is built on trust and respect, and both take significant time to build.
It’s true that some of us are more trusting than others. But the more experience you have in love and relationships, the less trusting you’re likely to be.
This is because people have a way of failing us, especially those we care about the most. They have a way of disappointing us, of proving to be people we didn’t want to believe they were capable of being.
And with each failed relationship, we become a bit more reserved and less willing to open ourselves up to another person.
But for true love to form, there must be monumental levels of trust between you and that other person. You have to trust that this person will be there for you no matter how difficult times get.
You have to trust that he or she won’t abandon you when things get tough, when you screw up, when the world tries to pull you two apart. You have to trust that, every morning, he or she will wake up and be happy to see you’re still by his or her side.
This level of trust and respect takes decades to build and is the foundation upon which true love is built.
True love is not a feeling, but a state of being.
Relationships, even loving ones, fail.
People make mistakes. People change. People let their egos get the best of them and fail to be the partner, lover, friend, the one they care for deserves.
True love, however, isn’t an emotion. It isn’t a way of feeling. It’s a way of living.
It’s about being there for the one you love because you don’t see it any other way. And even more than that, it’s about doing your part to build a bond so strong that even when one of you leaves this earth, the love you two shared lives on.
The only way to know for sure if what you have is true love is to look back on your last day on this earth, on all those years they were by your side and stuck with you through thick and thin, and understand that the only way you two could have made it this far is because you two share true love.